Nothing
by MeHihihihihihihi
Summary: After the defeat of Shredder and death of Splinter, Leo starts acting differently. To his brothers, his behavior at first appears to be something along the lines of depression. But little do they know that there's more to this behavior than meets the eye. Note:The first chapter was originally a one-shot. If You don't want to read the whole story, you can just read the first part.
1. Chapter 1

**I decided to make a sad story or at least tried to. It's a fluffy story. I know there are some stories that involve Tcest, but this is NOT Tcest. You can think of it as Tcest if you have the mindset to do so. But really wasn't supposed to be Tcest. This is just close brotherly love. Although it may not seem like it in the beginning. I could make an epilogue if people want me to.**

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Nothing

I should be happy right now. But I'm not. Why?

Shredder is dead, he fell to his death from the top the empire state building. He was attacking my brother Raph, and out of self-defense, my younger brother pushed the evil villain to his death. We were lucky that no human witnessed a muscular Japanese man falling to his death from the empire state building. Reporters would be all over this story weather they knew that mutant turtles were involved or not.

Part of the reason why no human was there to witness the fall of Shredder was all thanks to the Kraang. The Kraang had a master plan of wiping out the human race. Part of their plan consisted of petrifying every single human in New York. The advantage of being a mutant is we weren't affected by the petrifying gas. After Shredder was killed, Donnie infiltrated the Kraang headquarters and took out the last of the Kraang on Earth with a very powerful explosive that he had invented. And yes you heard me right. The very last of the Kraang on Earth has been killed.

With the Kraang wiped out and Shredder dead, things pretty much went up from there. The foot soldiers disappeared, which was to be expected with their leader gone. Karai disappeared along with them. We hadn't heard from the Foot or Karai for months. Mikey was the last one to see any signs of the Foot or Karai. My little brother held his own when he fought Karai the day of Shredder's death. They were fighting by the entrance on the EmpireState building. Mikey probably could've killed Karai if he wanted to. That just shows how well Mikey handled Karai. To Raph's disappointment, Mikey spared Karai when she saw her father fall to his death. She was heartbroken. Instead of fighting Mikey some more, she ran off with the surviving foot soldiers.

Now, where was I during all this?

I was unconscious somewhere in the sewers during the thick of things. There's was no memory that I can recall of how I ended up there. All I know is, we were fighting the foot clan one day, and then everything went dark. Before I knew it, I woke up shivering on the hard cold floor of the sewers with cuts all over me. The second I woke up, I raced back to the lair to check to see if my brothers were okay. Last time I saw my brothers was during a fight with the Foot. But when I walked right into the lair, I saw my three brothers kneeling around the couch in the main room.

To my horror they looked as though they've been crying. My heart sunk when I saw the reason for their crying. There, on the couch was master Splinter with a knife wound to the chest.

My whole look on life changed after that fateful day. Who would've thought that the day after Shredder's death that I'd be the unhappiest I've ever been?

When Donnie recounted the whole story about what happened while I was unconscious, I wanted to throw up. I knew this day would come when the Foot and the Kraang were defeated. I've just always imagined that I'd be helping out more in defeating the Foot or the Kraang. I've had dreams of giving Shredder his killing blow. I've also had dreams of seeing the Kraang being wiped out from my doing. That was my job. As the leader, I was the one that was supposed to defeat our enemies, save New York, and protect my brothers. I did neither of those things. I had failed.

If I weren't unconscious, Master Splinter would've still been alive. While I was unconscious, Donnie, Raph, and Mikey were having trouble fighting the Kraang and Foot all alone. Since I wasn't answering my T-phone, they were almost destroyed. Master Splinter sensed the danger that his sons were in and went to their rescue. Shredder was pleased to see Splinter reveal himself and took the opportunity to stab him in the chest with a dagger. This event leads to Raph chasing the Shredder up to the top of the EmpireState building. The rest was history.

After Splinter's funeral, things were turning around for the better. The only thing giving New York City grief was the Purple Dragons. It only took one of my brother's to take out a whole group of Purple Dragon these days.

"I don't see the point of doing these regular patrols these days Leo," Raph told me one night in front of the lair entrance when I ordered all my brothers to go on a patrol to look out for any trouble in New York. "Why don't you go out on your own and be useful? You should be able to handle whatever little crime is going on these days."

I opened my mouth to protest, but said nothing. Raph was right. There was no need to have these big patrols to fight crime. Heck, New York would probably be fine without the turtles any longer. Even the police officers seemed to handle the Purple Dragons on their own. The turtles weren't needed.

"Hey Leo?" Raph asked me with his hands to his hips staring at me with slight concern. "Are you alright? You kind of spaced out."

"Yeah," I replied blinking out of my thoughts. "I've decided not to go to Topside."

"You can still go out to Topside Leo, I just don't expect there to be any crime to stop. How about you be normal like the rest of us, and enjoy Topside?" Raph suggested. "All you think there is to do at Topside is fight bad guys, and even then you're not very good at fighting crime."

Right as those words slipped out of his mouth, Raph gasped in shock and placed one of his palms to his forehead. "Wait Leo! I didn't mean it like that. You're great at fighting crime!"

I shrugged at Raph trying to be understanding. Raph was only speaking the hard cold truth. My whole life had been about being the hero and stopping the bad guys. But when it counted the most, I failed. When people needed me to fight the villains, I was unconscious in the sewers while lives were in parole. In fact, Master Splinter died because of me. I failed at the one thing I was good at in life, fighting. Basically, I've failed at life.

I turned away to my bedroom not saying another word to Raph. Normally if I was upset or something was on my mind, I'd go over to the dojo and train. But after Splinter died, I didn't see the point in training. Training wasn't going to give me release, because fighting seemed useless to me. I didn't fight when it counted the most, so why should I keep fighting?

When I got to my room, I went over to my bed and grabbed the white pillow that was sitting on top of my neatly made bed. I hugged the pillow to my chest and laid against the bedroom wall deep in thought. I've been doing that for the past few weeks now, following Splinter's death. I've been pondering over what to do with my life now that my purpose was gone. Guilt was overwhelming me at the thought of my own father dying because of my failure to be there when my brothers needed me the most. I wasn't even around to avenge my father's death either. My brother's were doing all the fighting that I had trained to do all these years.

It was no secret that I worked the hardest when it had come to training. The thing that motivated me was defeating my opponent in battle to protect my brothers. But when it counted, I failed. I wasn't even the best fighter either. Raph was the strongest fighter, Donnie was the smartest fighter, and Mikey had the best natural raw fighting ability. There was nothing I could contribute. Who cares if I was the leader?

I've come to terms that the reason why I had become leader in the first place was because there was nothing else I could have contributed to the team. If someone else was the leader, they would've done just as good of a job, if not better. My brother's allowed me to be leader just so I wouldn't feel left out, so I could at least matter somewhat. But in hindsight, I was just a figure head.

Slowly, I put down the pillow and crawled over to my bedroom door to eavesdrop on a conversation between two of my brothers. I heard their voices and I could've sworn I heard my name being mentioned. The darkness of the bedroom heightened my hearing.

"Leo has just been as lively as a brick wall for the past weeks," Raph growled.

"He's probably still grieving over Sensei's death. Give him time." Donnie's voice replied.

"Some grieving he's been doing," Raph grumbled. "I haven't seen him shed a tear once."

What Raph had said was true. After seeing Master Splinter's dead corpse lying in the couch like that, I did everything in my power not to break down in front of my brothers. I wanted nothing more than to drop down to my knees and break down in sobs. But my brothers needed me. I've already let them down once for being weak. I'm not going to do it again. They already think I'm weak and useless. Being there to counsel them through Master Splinter's death made me feel temporarily useful. On the flip side though, there was no one there to comfort me. And I didn't want anyone pitying me though. I didn't deserve any pity. I had to fend for myself when it came to Splinter's death as punishment for not being there for my brothers.

"What has Leo been up to these days?" Raph asked Donnie. "All he's been doing is being shut up in his bedroom. I swear he's moping."

"He's probably reading. Taking up a new hobby might be a good way for him to cope with Sensei's death," Donnie replied hopefully.

I shook my head after hearing Donnie suggest that I had taken up a new hobby. Truthfully, I've been doing nothing. I've been feeling worthless, so as a result, nothing was worth doing. Not even sleeping. For the past few weeks I've been in my bedroom with the lights out thinking. Sometimes I've been meditating. Everything felt empty. The last thing I wanted to do lately was talk to my brothers. I wanted to be alone in my depressed thoughts for as long as possible. Being a burden to them was not an option. After discovering my uselessness to them, it'd be best if I didn't get in their way.

Sometimes I go a whole day without even leaving my bedroom, except to go use the bathroom. Mikey got concern when he saw that I wasn't even out training. I told him that I didn't need to train anymore. That training was pointless. There was nothing to come out of it.

Mikey told me that I used to love training, and demanded to know what had happened to change my mind. I lied to my little brother and told him I no longer felt any joy in training. But the truth behind this lie was that I missed training more than anything, and sometimes I've even longed to go back to train with my brothers. But something inside me told me that I didn't deserve to be happy. A failure like me should be miserable and doesn't deserve to find joy in the simplest of things.

"Leo has been useless around here, hasn't he?" Raph asked Donnie.

"How?" Donnie asked.

"He doesn't do anything. All he does is cope up in his bedroom, too busy being worthless. He's supposed to be the role model, but he's been acting like a baby. I swear he's trying put on a scene by acting like a complete child, and pouting in his room. It's annoying." Raph grumbled some more. "What is wrong with him?"

Instead of defending Leo, Donnie agreed with Raph, "I know what you mean Raph."

"He's done nothing as of late," Raph complained. "I've been the one leading all the training sessions that he doesn't even go to anymore. He hardly talks to us. When he does, he's bossing us around. He doesn't help around the house. All he is to us is dead weight."

"Raph…" Donnie began, but was cut off.

"I really do hate Leo sometimes," Raph finished quietly, but loud enough for me to hear.

My heart sunk when I heard the dreaded four letter h-word. It wasn't the obvious four letter h-word, although I did feel like I deserved to go to that horrible place. It was h-word that meant complete dislike. A word you wouldn't want any of your brother's to use in a sentence about you. It was the ultimate failure.

Raph had never said out loud that he had hated me. When he did, that would be the day where I've come to realize that I had completely let my brother down. My whole life had been centered around my brothers. My life would be ruined if any of them hated me. Now that one of them had admitted their hate towards me, what was the purpose of living?

After a few minutes of silence outside of my bedroom door, I slowly swung the bedroom door open and snuck out of the lair quietly with a knife in one hand.

The sounds of the New York City raindrops pattered over my head on top of me. It was a little comforting hearing the delicate raindrops. It seemed that Mother Nature decided to match my mood with the weather. Although, if my mood determined the weather. It would have been raining for weeks.

Running through the dark sewers was almost exhilarating, something I've never felt in so long. I was almost relieved running alone in the dark sewers. Part of me cursed at myself for almost being happy. I didn't deserve to be happy.

After a few minutes of running through the cold damp sewers, I hid myself in a nearby dark tunnel and sighed, leaning down against the solid surface. No one will find me here if I had anything to say about it. But I figured that my brothers couldn't care less if I had left the lair.

I stared at the sharp knife that glinted in the little light available and breathed in. The knife was mesmerizing. I pricked the tip of my finger on to the knife. A tiny cut issued itself on the tip of my finger. A small drop of blood from my finger fell to the cement floor. I couldn't have asked for a better weapon to take my life.

Gripping the knife tightly, I slashed one of wrists. A satisfying dark red cut had been carved into my wrist, drops of blood poured down my cut. More blood fell on to the cement floor this time. I smiled to myself at the sight of the punishment my wrist was being put through. Welcomed pain stung throughout my whole wrist. I gladly slashed the arm above the wrist multiple times. Drops of blood stained the cement floor. Even with my arm stinging, I couldn't care less about the pain in my worthless arm. I deserved the pain. Plus, the pain will be gone shortly.

Closing my eyes, I lowered the knife to my wrist again and sighed. Just a little deeper, I will hit a vein and end my life.

But before I could plunge the knife deep into my wrist to end my exsistence, a firm hand grabbed the knife from my grasp. Another hand grabbed a hold of the wrist that was holding the knife. Before I could realize what was going on, the heard the knife splash into the sewer waters. Someone must have chucked it in there on purpose, and there was no way of me getting the knife back.

I whined in protest and slumped against the wall. The person who took the knife away from me grabbed me into a tight a hug and choked out, "Leo."

I recognized that high pitch youthful voice instantly. "Mikey?"

Before I could say anything more, Mikey grabbed me from out of the tunnel and into a lighter part of the sewers. My little brother shoved me against the wall and looked at me dead in the eyes with tears streaming down his eyes. To say that it was a heartbreaking sight was an understatement. He was trembling and nearly sobbing to the point of breaking down, but he firmly kept be against the wall to keep me immobile.

"Leo! Are you crazy?! Why are you doing this?" Mikey cried out to me, throwing his arms around me in a strong hug.

The second he said that made me regret the cutting I was doing just earlier and the thoughts of suicide. I wrapped my arms around his plastron and sighed, letting his head rest against my shoulder. The blood on my arm stained the side of his plastron, but Mikey was too busy being in distress to even care.

"Were you planning on killing yourself?" Mikey whispered into my shoulder.

I didn't want to answer that question, but Mikey needed the blunt straightforward answer. So I mumbled, resting my chin on his shoulder, "yes."

"Why?"

"Because I am nothing. I'm a burden, a weakling, a failure, family hates me." I sighed trying to choke down a sob that was threatening deep inside me.

Mikey relaxed his hug and scooted back looking at me calmly. He calmed down from his recent crying, but tears still fell from his eyes. Even though he was no longer hugging me, he still had both his hand grabbing on to my arms.

"I figured something was wrong after Splinter's death," Mikey hiccupped but then looked at me even more seriously. "All those reasons you've give me are utter bull Leo. You are everything to this family. You're not a burden or a failure. You've usually been the strongest one in this family. And this family doesn't hate you. I certainly know I don't."

He grabbed me into another tight hug and whispered, "be happy again Leo."

"I don't deserve to be happy," I mumbled again over his shoulder. "It's my fault that Master's Splinter's dead. I was weak and unconscious, while I should've been fighting."

At that, Mikey shoved me against wall with brute force, and I stared at him in shock. My little brother looked at me in disbelief and anger. "The day Splinter died, you saved our lives Leo. All three of us. Shredder was about throw daggers at each one of us. You saw that, and tackled him right as threw one of the daggers at us. Both you and Shredder were knocked unconscious in the struggle. The Foot were trying to kill you. We took you and threw you into the sewers so they couldn't get to you. Shredder woke up quickly. You were a hero. You saved our lives, and in turn we defeated the villains that have been giving us grief for years."

It felt like daggers were being thrown at my heart at that moment. After hearing what Mikey was telling me, I realized I had gotten everything wrong. I did what I had strived to do, and that was to protect my brothers. But I was too ignorant and close-minded to see that. In turn, I had almost made the biggest mistake of my life and almost left my brothers.

I did something that I sworn I would never do since Splinter's death, and started sobbing. Tears poured freely down my cheeks, which hasn't been done in years. There were so many emotions flooding through me. There were tears of guilt, tears of sadness, tears of anger, and tears of fear. The most recent emotion that brought tears was relief.

"Yes finally!" Mikey exclaimed happily and tightened the hug. "Finally some emotion. Let it out Leo. You've been through a lot. I'm not thinking of you any less. Why would you think we'd ever hate you?"

"Raph said he hated me," I replied trembling on Mikey's shoulder.

"Raph doesn't mean what he's saying a lot of the time. He's said he's hated me before too. Plus I don't think he understands the depression you've been going through," Mikey replied.

Mikey let go of his hug on me and rolled around next to me leaning against the wall, almost mimicking my posture. He smiled at me brightly and told me, "It's my turn to be the strong one now. You've always been Mr. Perfect. The best fighter. The best leader, The best brother. The most clever. Shall I go on? No. Because now you need us Leo. For once, let us help you. You've been too busy helping us get through Splinter's death, now it's our turn."

I looked over at Mikey who was still smiling against the sewer walls. Without thinking, I blurted out, "you mean that?"

"Every word is the truth bro. You've saved our necks many times. Constantly beaten us in sparring, and was always there to comfort us. You had one bad day when you were knocked unconscious. So what?" Mikey replied vigorously. He leaned in to give me a quick kiss on the cheek before burying his head in my shoulder. "I love you Leo."


	2. Chapter 2

**BEFORE READING THIS: This first part was originally a one-shot. If you're happy with the ending and do feel the need to read more into this story. DON'T READ THIS PART. If you're curious to see what happens to Leo next, by all means read beyond this point. And yeah... there is a cliffhanger (sorry), BUT I WILL FINISH IT.**

**Enjoy**

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The first thing I woke up to was the sound of a car engine from up above. For a second, I didn't realize where I was or how I got here. The events earlier were a blur. I woke up in the dim murky sewers resting my head against the wall. My little brother was curled up against me fast asleep using my lap as a pillow. Lucky for him, that he had me as a pillow and not the hard cold wall of the sewers.

I didn't want to wake up my little brother because he looked so comfy sleeping against my plastron, but without even realizing it I shifted causing him to stir away.

"Leo?" Mikey murmured sitting up a little confused. He looked around the dark sewers then back at me and smiled. "Oops, sorry Leo. I had no idea I (yawn) fell asleep. Wake me next time."

I shook my head, "I fell asleep too. It's alright."

"Yeah, but it doesn't look like you had the comfiest place to sleep," Mikey replied standing up. He gave me a hand to help pull me up, which I reluctantly took. It scared me to think that I was struggling to accept even the tiniest bit of help from my brother. "Let's head back to the lair. Donnie and Raph will be wondering where we are."

Mikey walked a couple steps ahead of me leading the way, while I kept my head lowered to the floors of the sewers deep in thought. Every few seconds he looked over his shoulder to make sure I was following behind him. Maybe he was wondering if I was going to run off and try to kill myself again. After a couple minutes he shook his head and walked beside me so that I was always in his peripheral vision.

There was some uneasiness I had about the entire walk. My little brother must've lost a lot trust in me after the events that took place before. He steadily kept his gaze at me and then finally grabbed on to my arm for reassurance. There was lost trust between my brother and I that may never come back.

We stopped in front of the lair door, and just before Mikey could even swing the door open, my hand grabbed his shoulder.

"Yeah Leo?" Mikey asked in slight surprise, craning his neck to face me.

"What are you going to tell Raph and Donnie?" I asked nervously.

Mikey leaned his shell against a wall nearby and tilted his head. He answered, "It depends on what you tell them. I think it'd be better if you tell them what's going on and ask them for help. It'd be better for everyone. I don't want to be the one to tell them about the things you've been going through. You probably want to take control of the situation. Besides nobody knows you better than you. I don't want to tell them something you don't want me to. But I'm going to make sure you tell them something."

I sighed, resting my forehead against a cold wall. Mikey looked at me sympathetically and added, "Leo, you can say as much or as little as you want, just as long as you say _something_ to them. I'll be right beside you if you need me, and I'll leave if you want to be left alone with Donnie or Raph."

At that, my little brother pushed the door open with a creak and dragged me into the lair with him. There was some uneasiness about the way he was grabbing a hold of me as if he were afraid that I'd flee when I had the chance. I quietly sighed and bowed my head to the floor once more.

"There you two are," Raph commented from the couch. "I was beginning to think you were out partying and didn't invite me. What have you two knuckleheads been up to?"

The red banded turtle had been reading one of his unusual magazines, something about aliens in Aruba. I couldn't tell what the cover was saying and more likely than not, I was probably wrong. Raph seemed very relaxed and calm, and the last thing I wanted was to ruin the mood by telling him about my depression.

Mikey looked at me hopefully, waiting for me to say something, but I couldn't. Instead I sat down on the couch next to Raph and flicked the TV on. Raph looked up at me confused. At the moment I didn't care what channel I flipped to, just as long as it appeared that I was distracted for the moment. I ended up changing the channel to some nature documentary on whales, and pretended to be interested.

"Leo I haven't seen watch television for weeks," Raph told me from the top of his magazine in shock. "But…honestly….when I imagined you watching TV for the first time in a long time….I thought it would be something…..ummmmm…..that didn't have whales…."

Raph then glared at me suspiciously and without even realizing it, I twitched nervously in my seat. If it had been many months ago before the depression, I probably would've been careful enough not to give the sudden twitch. The red-banded turtle put down the magazine while glaring at me. It was an unusual Raph-glare. It wasn't the usual anger -filled glare, but there was something about that glare that I've seen before. It was hard to say weather it was an accusing glare or a glare that was filled with worry. Maybe it was both. Raph wouldn't worry about me that much, would he?

"Okay Leo, spill it. I know you're hiding something from me…what is it?" Raph asked with a level of unusual calmness.

I sighed and laid my shell against the couch wanting to fall asleep again. But that would've just made Raph even more suspicious of me. Mikey sat in the other couch confused. I know he wanted me to tell Raph about my problems, but I just couldn't bring myself to do so.

"Are you alright Leo?" Raph asked me with concern, eyeing Mikey with the same suspicion he eyed me. Mikey wasn't good at hiding things, and he shifted in the couch with some uneasiness looking at me with pleading eyes. He wanted me to say something. Anything.

"I'm fine," I sighed closing my eyes slowly not wanting to talk to Raph anymore.

"WOAH LEO! NO YOU'RE NOT FINE!" Raph screamed, causing Mikey and I to nearly jump from our seats on the couch in confusion. Raph may get angry at times, but he wouldn't have that drastic of a mood swing, unless there was a reason.

To my horror, he was staring at my arm with the evident, precise cuts. The worst of the cuts was the deep one at my wrist. That was the cut that Raph's steady gaze was directly upon at that moment. Without even thinking, I tried hiding my abused arm behind my back, but I knew doing so was pointless.

Both Raph and I stood up from the couch simultaneously. I didn't bother looking up at Raph's face, but at the floor again in shame. He tried to grab my abused arm, but I wouldn't let him. Instead, I made a dash out the room to my bedroom. Raph called out to me, but I pretended not to hear him.

Looking back before entering my bedroom, I saw Mikey standing right in front of Raph, keeping him from catching up to me. I heard my youngest brother with panic in his voice saying, "Raph, please calm down. We'll explain later."

"YOU KNEW?! WHAT IS GOING ON WITH MY OLDER BROTHER?" Raph shouted at Mikey. My poor youngest brother was at a loss for words.

Without anymore hesitation, I made my way into my bedroom, closing and locking the door shut. Tears threaten to fall, but I wouldn't let them. I grabbed the pillow that was on top of my bed, and rested myself against the bedroom wall. A few seconds later I was deep in thought, falling back into the old habits once more.

There was plenty of activity in front of my door. Mikey for the past couple of hours kept knocking on my door pleading to me to come out. Donnie came by my door, an hour after I shut myself in my room, asking me to come out as well. Raph came by my door just as much as Mikey had. Instead of begging me to come out, he kept on checking to see if I was okay. All he wanted was a response.

"Leo will come out when he's ready Mikey," Raph told my little brother outside of the door. Mikey protested, but Raph convinced him to leave me be for fifteen more minutes.

I smiled to myself grateful for Raph's unusual understanding of the situation. Part of me wondered if the reason Raph didn't ask me to come out, was because he didn't care about me enough to want me to come out. But more than likely, it was because he understood what I was going through better than what I gave him credit for.

After a while, Mikey knock on my door again. The knocks were forceful, and I could've sworn he had resorted to kicking the door too.

"Leo!" Mikey called to me, with panic in his voice. "Please come out. I need you."

One of my brother's _needed_ me. I shook my head at that thought. For a split second, I decided on ignoring his pleading voice, but I heard sobs in front of the door too. Mikey definitely needed me. There was no question about that. And when a brother needs me, who am I to ignore him?

I opened the door for him, before getting a chance to say or do anything, my little brother grabbed me into a tight hug. I felt the tears coming from him on my shoulder. He was hiccuping uncontrollably. All I could do was rub his shell trying to comfort him.

"What do you need me for Mikey?" I asked him gently, although I deep down inside I knew the answer. For some odd reason I just had to ask him anyway.

"I need you to be happy and stop being depressed," Mikey sniffled. He was shivering in my arms. I had no idea that I really had affected him that much.

"Mikey….." I began, but my little brother interrupted me.

"Don't die Leo. Please don't die. You mean too much to this family to leave," Mikey told me stiffly through my shoulders. He seemed to relax a little bit in my hug after a few seconds. He then added, "I told Donnie and Raph about what happened…I'm sorry. I knew you'd want to be the one to tell them."

"I'm can't be in control of everything. Sometimes I need to allow you guys to do the things I can't," I replied relaxing the hug. I forced an artificial smile on him, hoping it would calm him down. My little brother let go of the hug on me and stared at the smile for a few seconds. I couldn't tell what was going through his head.

Mikey didn't say anything after seeing my forced smile and grabbed my arm to pull me into the main room, and shoved me on to the couch.

"Donnie! Leo needs you!" Mikey called after my next youngest brother.

The genius came out of his lab looking relieved when he saw me. He had a first aid kit in one hand and an odd green notebook in the other hand. Donnie came over to where I was sitting and keeled down in front of me.

"Hey Leo," Donnie greeted me calmly. "May you show me your injured arm please?"

I reluctantly brought the badly injured arm forward, and Donnie shuddered at the sight of the cuts. Some of them were still bleeding, and the skin surrounding the cuts was inflamed. Donnie grabbed my arm attentively and examined it.

"Yeah, we'll need stitches on some of these. I'll have to bring you to the lab." Donnie told me after a few minutes of looking at the arm. He got over the initial shock of seeing the arm.

I couldn't help but think in disbelief at how casual Donnie was being about the whole thing. He didn't seem to freak out over the fact that I nearly killed myself or the fact that these wounds were all done do to self-harm. It wasn't until during the duration of getting stitches that I realized later that Donnie just wanted to take care of my physical pain first, then work on my mental pain later. I'd like to say that I figured that out all on my own. But the answer to my confusion was in Donnie's green notebook that he had left open.

_What to do with Leo_

_1. Fix any physical injuries_

_2. _

Unfortunately, I wasn't discreet enough while reading Donnie's notebook, because he quickly noticed my line of vision, and shut the notebook closed. He looked over at me sheepishly and continued to stitch my arm.

Once he wrapped up my arm, he looked up at me and said, "Did you hear the conversation between Raph and me?"

I didn't want to be in the lab, I was sitting on a table in a room full of various chemicals, machines, and other crazy mad scientist equipment. It felt like I was being experimented on. The question that Donnie had asked me as well was not something I wanted to talk about either. In fact, I didn't want to talk to anybody. Even though Mikey had wanted me to, I just couldn't put myself to it.

Completely ignoring Donnie, I walked out of the lab. Donnie looked at me in surprise but didn't say anything. While I was walking out of the lab, from the corner of my eye I noticed him staring at me. He was probably making sure I wasn't going to sneak out of the lair.

I plopped down on to the couch and stared off into space. The brown wall in front of me seemed a lot more interesting than the empty TV before me. The TV was what helped make people happy. I didn't feel like being happy.

Someone plopped down on to the couch right next to me. It was Raph with a content expression. He brought another magazine with him and looked at me hopefully.

"So Leo, how've you been?" Raph asked me casually.

"Fine," I grumbled.

"Really….Leo? Are you sure about that?" Raph questioned me.

"I don't see how it matters."

"This family relies heavily on your well-being Leo. You realize that don't you?" Raph asked me with a hint of frustration in his voice. He was trying to keep as calm as possible.

I didn't say anything. Why should I say anything? Deep down inside I knew that Raph cared about me just as much as the rest of my brothers did, but something inside kept nagging at me. Whatever was inside, was telling me that they will move on when I leave, just like they moved on when Splinter died.

"I don't hate you Leo. Never have. Never will." Raph told me sharply, putting the magazine to the floor.

I didn't do anything but glare at him. He was just telling me this to me to make me feel better. When he was talking to Donnie, he meant what he had said. Raph is not afraid to speak his mind. He always means what he says, no matter how painful it maybe.

"Leo…enough with the silent treatment," Raph moaned at me. "Are you in there?"

I just blinked at him. What did he want me to say? There were so many things floating through my head. There were many questions I wanted to ask. But there was nothing to be said. Raph was going to be the leader after me. We all knew that. And he'd make a great one. The leader doesn't need to do so much anymore with the crime low. I haven't been doing anything lately anyways. Raph has been the one leading the practices.

"Okay…I see how it is. If you don't want to talk fine. But listen okay? The longer you go like this, the worse this family becomes. I don't think you realize how much of your pain we feel." Raph explained. He looked over at me, hoping for a response. He shrugged when he didn't get any. "While you're trapped in your room, we're a mess. Donnie has been in his lab all day. Mikey has been moping around. I've been going to topside a little, but then coming back feeling unaccomplished. It's pretty quiet over here. We'll have movie nights and stuff like that. But we're a pretty dysfunctional group. We all want you to be here with us. That's always been the consensus. And don't get me started on training. Without you leading, we just haven't been getting anything done. Our ninja training has improved just as much as yours. And the more you're trapped in your room, the more unhappy this family gets."

He looked over at me hoping for a reaction. I wasn't so sure what to say. He might be making stuff up. My brother is trying to convince me that my family needs me. For all I know, he might be telling the truth. If he is, then I guess I can't leave them. But for now, all I could do was stare at him.

"Leo! Please stop looking at me that way. I know you heard the conversation with Donnie and me. I always exaggerate, you know me. I've said loads of crap about Donnie and Mikey that I don't mean as well. I'm sorry Leo," Raph told me frustrated leaning forward on the couch. "We can barely function without Sensei, don't leave us to suffer. Whatever you're doing is doing no one favors."

Raph scooted closer to me, trying to get a better grip on what was going through my head. All I did was look at him puzzled. If I see any hint of insincerity in his expression, then I was going to leave the room. I didn't want to deal with any deception at the moment. Raph is concerned for me. I get that. But I feel like he's just forced it upon himself to help me.

"What will it take you, to understand that we need you here alive and happy? Somebody is going to get seriously hurt or killed because of your depression," Raph snapped at me. Instead of pity, he was full of anger now.

My eyes widened with a bit of surprise. I asked Raph, "how can you guys get hurt or get killed because of me?"

"You'd be surprised how self-destructive this family can be without you. Like for example, Donnie burned himself pretty badly in his lab. He made a careless mistake while working with heat from the sounds of it. He was too sleepy to concentrate because you weren't there to tell him to go to sleep," Raph answered flatly. "And Mikey…."

Raph's expression of anger and seriousness turned into a pained expression. It looked like he was about to choke. He stared at me watering eyes. Then he slumped on the couch, looking at me cautiously.

It was surprising seeing big tough Raph almost getting emotional. But I couldn't just leave my brother looking distressed. It looked like he was going to break down at any second. He was shaking visibly. I scooted closer to Raph and gave him a hug to ease whatever pain he's feeling.

"Raph what's wrong?" I asked hesitantly through the hug.

"Mikey tried to kill himself using one of Donnie's chemicals. He couldn't handle the new way with this family is functioning without you."

* * *

**Donnie will play a bigger role NEXT TIME. I like Donnie. **


	3. Chapter 3

"Mikey did, WHAT?!" I shouted at Raph in shock shoving him back into the couch. Surprisingly, he willingly let me shove him into the couch without resistance. My younger brother stared at me with fearful eyes.

"Leo….Leo….let me explain, sit down." Raph ordered me calmly while trying to edge closer to me.

I completely ignored my hotheaded brother and began pacing behind one of the couches deep in thought. Sweet innocent Mikey wouldn't really try to kill himself now, would he? No! Mikey was too happy to do that. If he was sad, he'd just let his emotions out and someone would come over and comfort him. Generally that someone would be me….oh god….

My stomach churned and my heart dropped. It was my fault that Mikey tried to commit suicide. Of course neither Mikey nor Raph would tell me that it was my fault. But I've been such a terrible brother as of lately. I wasn't even there for Mikey when he needed me the most. He must've been so lonely. What have I done?

"Leo, sit down," Raph repeated from the couch, this time standing up to get closer to me.

I just quickly shook my head and continued the repetitive pacing behind the couch. It seemed to bother the heck out of Raph, but I couldn't care less about my brother's annoyance tolerance at the moment. I just kept thinking of how I had another screw up to add to Leo's List of Screw Ups. So far the list was too long to for its own good.

"Leo, I said sit down!" Raph snarled. Before I could even blink, my younger brother grabbed me roughly by the arms and flipped me over on to the couch. He sat next to me, hugging me from behind. "Now don't even think about running off."

"I nearly killed Mikey…" I mumbled to no one.

"What?! In what universe did you get that insane notion from?!" Raph growled tightening his grip on me with reassurance. His eyes then quickly widened with realization. "Oh, you think Mikey tried to kill himself because of you? Leo….it's not all your fault."

I began to laugh hysterically while squirming fitfully in Raph's arms. It wasn't a pleasant laugh either. I'm sure when Raph imagined me laughing for the first time in a long time. It would be because something was comically funny. But it had to comically funny to a sane individual. In my eyes there was something comical about Raph's comment. Unfortunately, it was only comical in my eyes.

"Leo…." Raph muttered to me nervously, tensing his arms around me, nearly making me suffocate. I could feel him take a big gulp of air in order to keep calm.

The laughing hysterics continued for a few minutes until tears started forming in my eyes. There was pain my side and nasty headache began building up. If anyone would've seen the situation from afar, they would've thought that Raph was tickling me. But even if he was tickling me, I wouldn't be laughing this hard. It was nearly impossible to tickle me.

Raph couldn't take my hysterics any longer, and slapped me on the back of my head. I instantly stopped laughing and fell limp in my younger brother's arms. He asked me, "What kind of sick joke is this Leo?"

"You said it's not all my fault," I answered looking ahead away from him while laying my head against his plastron.

"And that is funny because…." Raph began.

"You didn't say it wasn't my fault. You said it wasn't _all _my fault. You think…no….you _know _part of it, if not most of it was my fault," I sighed while smirking. When I tilted head to up to look at Raph, he was staring at me with a look of horror. It surprised me when a raspy whisper suddenly came out of me, "I don't think it's very funny Raph."

"I'd be lying if I said part of it wasn't your fault. But there are a number of people who are also at fault here," Raph replied, letting me leave his grasp. Hesitantly, I made my way over to the other side of the couch away from my brother and curled my knees to my chest. Raph went on, "I'm at fault too for being a terrible brother to Mikey. I didn't notice his depression or his loneliness when I should have. Donnie is at fault too for being in his lab all day, instead of spending more time with Mikey. You could also argue, that even Leatherhead is also at fault for not keeping Mikey company. Although it's kind of stretch to blame that mutant crocodile. Shredder could be at fault for causing you to be depressed. Even Master Splinter could be at fault for not being there for Mikey either. Even though he's dead. Heck, even the pizza is at fault here for not cheering up Mikey. Everyone we know is at fault."

While Raph was explaining this complex situation to me, I was burying my head into my knees in confusion. There were two sides of me now. One side wanted to be a happy healthy brother again for the sake of the family. Another side wanted me dead, because of sick disgust I had with myself for being a horrible brother.

* * *

_A little while ago… _

_ "Donnie, you've been at it all day. The Kraang is destroyed, why are you still messing with that stuff?" I asked my genius brother. He was compulsively analyzing the mutagen out of constant curiosity. Donnie was studying the disgusting goop under a microscope and testing it with various plants. _

_ "Raph…I have to know how this substance works. I may never get another chance," he replied urgently while adding mutagen to an unknown slide. My guess was it was a slide of some random plant he picked up from who-knows-where. How is he even getting these plants if he's barely leaving the lab, let alone of lair?_

_ It was no secret that Donnie was a lab rat. But even he had the sensibility to take a break after being in that cave for TWELVE HOURS. His eyes were blood shot and his body was hunched over from exhaustion. God knows when the last time he got some decent shut eye. Even when the Kraang was still around infesting New York City with the mutagen, Donnie would still take a break from studying that jelly from hell. _

_ After twenty minutes of pleading with him to take breather and maybe get some shut eye, Donnie just shooed me away. I was on the verge of dropping down to my knees to beg him to leave, but my pride got in the way of me doing so. Once the twenty minutes of pleading were up, I reached my limit. Without regret, I tried picking the genius up to carry him out of the lab. _

_ Carrying him out of the lab would've worked too if that idiot hadn't kept on struggling as if I was some sort of kidnapper. Couldn't he see I was trying to help him?! It's interesting that for someone so smart, he can be so dumb when it counts. It was nails on a chalkboard to my ears when he kept on shouting, "Raph! I'll sleep later! Just let me study this!" _

_ We nearly made it to his bedroom too, when he suddenly kicked me in the forbidden area, and fled back into the lab, locking the door with a click. All I could do was watch him flee and then walk up to the door frowning. I'm not sure if he had forgotten that I could have easily picked the lock. More than likely he didn't care that I could pick the lock or he had some contraption that would prevent me from picking the lock. There was always the option of kicking down the door. But even I had the discipline of not giving Donnie another thing to do in the lab, by fixing the door. Although, I wouldn't mind burning that damn door right now. It was the one thing standing between me and my brother. _

_ Mikey walked up beside me asked, "Raph? What are you doing?" _

_ "I'm admiring the wonderful handiwork of this door here," I answered sarcastically, placing my hand on the hard surface of the door. Mikey grimaced at my commented not finding it amusing in any way shape or form. I sighed helplessly at the door. It didn't sound like a bad idea to force my way in and knock the genius out cold. _

_ "It's like an addiction," Mikey remarked at the door to me. My fists clenched, as I knew what Mikey meant. "He's addicted to the lab." _

_ "The emptiness around here is becoming unbearable. Being a lab rat is the only way to cope with it," I sighed placing my other hand on the door. _

_ "At least he has someway to cope," Mikey mumbled and then sat in front of the door cross-legged waiting for Donnie to come out. _

_ It was heart-breaking seeing my youngest brother knocking and scratching at the door. He began trying to make conversation through the door as well, hoping he would get a response out of Donnie. But Donnie didn't reply back. It was unknown weather lack of response was due to him ignoring Mikey or not being able to hear Mikey. Either way, it made me sick. _

_ I worried about Mikey more than Donnie. He was right about Donnie working in the lab as a way to cope. But Mikey didn't seem to find a way to cope with the empty incomplete atmosphere in the lair. While I had my magazines, motorcycle, and a pet turtle to keep my mind off of things. Mikey didn't really have anything. Comics and videogames weren't doing him any good. They all reminded him of Leo. My youngest brother kept on losing more and more of his humor, while becoming more withdrawn. _

_ I was about to leave Mikey in front of the lab door, when suddenly a scream issued its way through the lab door. Mikey jumped up in panic and shouted, "Donnie!" _

_ Without much thought, I busted the despicable door down and rushed inside to see what the screaming was about. Mikey followed me closely behind calling Donnie's name. Like that'll help things. _

_ Donnie was hunched over down to his knees clutching one of his arms. There was a painful-looking blister ingrained on the clutched arm. He was wincing in pain, but didn't let any open emotion out because of the pain. _

_ I knelt down in front of Donnie gaping at the injury. The genius kept on muttering, "Don't worry about it…it's just a burn. I can take care of it. It's only a burn. I'm fine." _

_ "My definition of fine is way different then yours is Donnie. You never make mistakes like this. You need to mend that and then get some sleep right away," I told him urgently. _

_ Donnie just kept on shaking his head saying that he was "okay" instead of "fine" this time. I threatened him, "we can do this the easy way or the hard way Donnie. I'm not afraid of knocking you out cold in order to keep another accident from happening again." _

_ Donnie tensed up at the threat before agreeing with my terms. He took care of the burn in a matter of a couple of minutes. He treated it and wrapped it up like a pro. Mikey just stood there behind me, not saying anything. I could've sworn I heard him hiccup several times and see him shaking. What I'd give to have the obnoxious loud Mikey back and not this trembling child. _

_ Sadly, I had other things on my plate. Donnie was greatly fatigued and barely made his way out the lab, before collapsing from exhaustion. I made my way over to help him up and let him lean on me for support as we walked out the overly-used lab. Mikey didn't bother following us out. _

* * *

_ Witnessing the scene unfold, with Donnie accidently burning himself gave me a sudden revelation at how much damage this family was going through. Donnie always knew to be careful, and would never do something to hurt himself while in his lab, so why start now? I felt bad for Raph. He had his attention divided between Donnie and I. He never even gave Leo much of concern. Leo, in Raph's eyes was a lost cause. _

_ After Raph left with Donnie, I couldn't help but sit down again and stare at the fallen door. I felt bad for that poor door. It fell the same way our family was falling right now. Raph might have had issues with it, but I certainly didn't. The door gave Donnie much needed privacy while working. While this family was stable, it was fine to have the door closed and even locked. We didn't question Donnie being in his lab with the door closed. Now that door was frowned upon. It had always separated Donnie from the rest of us. But now it seemed to isolate him. Why the heck am I feeling sorry for a stupid door? _

_ I shuddered, when I suddenly realized I was pulling a Leo. Lately Leo has been just sitting around thinking. Now I was sitting around thinking too. At first I couldn't understand how just thinking could be so appealing, but now I see its purpose. But sadly thinking might be a great way for Leo to cope, but it wasn't for me. _

_ For weeks I've been begging Leo to come out of his bedroom and join us. But he either completely ignored me or gave some meaningless excuse to why he couldn't leave the solitary confinement of his bedroom. I'd corner him on the rare occasions he left his sanction, but he brushed me off. It's not that Leo didn't seem to care about us. It's just that he seemed to be unable to. I don't blame him. It was no surprise that he took Splinter's death the hardest out of all of us. Not only did Splinter leave us, but part of Leo also left. It didn't seem that he'd ever care for us again. He could barely care for himself. _

_ The odds of Leo getting better from his depression seemed slim. Raph and Donnie barely mentioned Leo. They didn't even care! Leo is never going to be the same. And while Leo is never going to become part of our family again, he might as well be dead. One day, he's not going to come out of room for days. I'll open his bedroom door and I will find his corpse in the middle of the floor. _

_ But why was I worrying over the inventible? Why am I worrying at all? I'm taking all this unnecessary pain, when I know that Leo is going to leave us forever, if he hasn't already left us. And then our family is going to fall even farther apart. My brothers will be depressed too. Then maybe they'll leave or get themselves killed. In the mean time, I'll be the one living through this pain too. The pain is not going to end! _

_ Before I knew what was happening tears were streaming down my eyes. My thoughts brought me in a panic. I was shaking again. Sobs escaped me as I began rocking in fetal position on the floor as I kept on listening to the painful thoughts in my head. It was unbearable. I wanted to scream. But no one would hear me. If I was in half the pain I was in now, Leo would be there to comfort me. But Leo is gone forever! I've already established that in my mind. _

_ I slowly rose up to a stance holding my breath. The lab seemed lifeless without Donnie. There were various liquids in the back of the lab. Walking up to the strange liquids I saw a breaker filled with thick orange liquid. There was a message with a prominent skull on it that said,_

_ "WARNING: THIS IS A HIGHLY LETHAL SUBSTANCE. FOR LABWORK ONLY! THERE'S A HIGH PROBABILITY OF DEATH UPON CONSUMPTION."_

_ I stared at the liquid contemplating its effects. It kind of reminded me of orange juice or maybe orange soda. There's a possibility to confuse this stuff, with many orange beverages. It looks tasty. _

_ I knew in the back of my head that this was poison. Donnie would be mad to make tasty lethal poison. Part of me was screaming at me to back away from the liquid. But painful thoughts kept plaguing my mind. _

_ Leo is gone….family falling apart….we're no more….I'm no more…_

_ For a split second I pretended it really was orange juice and tipped a mouthful of the fowl liquid into my mouth. I only got a mouthful before cringing in disgust at the bitter substance. It was strong and my tongue felt like it was burning. I dropped the beaker in panic. _

_ It felt like there were two Mikeys in one head. One was congratulating me, telling me the pain will go away soon. And another was screaming at me to call for help. I slumped down to the floor as I felt sharp pain all over my body. I tried screaming, but all that came out was a gurgle. Foam was coming out of my mouth. _

_ Then everything went dark. The last thing I remember was a pained voice screaming my name and then screaming for Donnie's name. There were footsteps too. _

* * *

_ I woke up in my bed with an earsplitting headache. Donnie was sitting in a chair beside my bed beaming when I woke up. He was stroking my head and tears were cascading down his face. He was muttering words of encouragement and comfort to me. I couldn't really hear them. But I knew the words were to help me. _

_ When I finally was able to comprehend what he was saying, Donnie asked me, "Why Mikey? Why did you do that?" _

_ I sat up and curled my knees to my chin sobbing from my bed. He went over and hugged me while rubbing my shell. I whispered to him, "I can't handle the pain. I'm losing everything."_


	4. Chapter 4

**Well this was fun... I don't know what to say. I appreciate the feedback. Just a little warning that there's a frightening scene in this chapter. Enjoy.**

* * *

My eyes flicker open and the first thing I see is my dark bedroom ceiling. I never realized what a nice luxury night vision is to have. Donnie never explained to me how or why we got night vision in the first place. Or….he might have….and I just wasn't paying attention. I sat up from my bed tiredly and looked around the dark room. It was messy. What else was new?

Actually the mess in my room is one of the few things that have always remained constant. During the best days of my life, my room has always been messy. There was no way I was going to pick up any of my scattered comic books that I didn't care to read, or any of my abandoned action figures.

I groggily crawled to the foot of my bed and my swung my feet down to the cold floor. My toes squirmed at the cool temperature. You'd think we'd get used to it after years of never wearing shoes. Shoes…. I've always wondered what it's like to wear shoes. One of these days…

Lately I've been drifting in my own world more often than usual. Sure, I've always had a short attention span and space off. But this was something different. Sometimes when I drift off into my own world, I don't like the world I see. The thoughts that come to mind scare me. But I haven't been able to tell my brothers that yet. For now, I've just endured the thoughts on my own.

When I got off the bed I picked up my nun chucks that were lying carelessly on the floor. Picking up the familiar weapons, I began to move it around skillfully. Some things never change. The familiar weapon was a nice comfort to me. I smiled at my weapon, and for safe-keeping I put them in my belt.

Without further distractions I poked my head out of my bedroom and looked around. The liar was still, dark, and quiet. I could identify two recognizable snores. At least two of my brothers are asleep. Hopefully one of them is Donnie, he could use the sleep. And if it wasn't Donnie sleeping, at least Leo was guaranteed to be asleep. Actually, I'm grateful that two of my brothers are sleeping at the same time for once. That alone is a big accomplishment. What did we do to deserve this? We should celebrate this achievement later.

With my feet still chilled from the cold floor I crept through the lair to Leo's bedroom. I had to check on him just once. Pressing close to the door I listened for snoring. It was silent. Donnie and Raph were the ones snoring. I silently cheered to myself that at least Donnie was sleeping. Better than nothing.

I tried opening the door, and to my surprise the door opened easily. For once, Leo hadn't bothered locking the door. Maybe this was a sign that he was getting better. That is if he's in there…..and…

I grinned at the sight of my brother in his room. Hopefully he was well aware that he had left the door unlocked. Unfortunately he wasn't sleeping. But at least he wasn't lying against the bedroom wall thinking. Leo was sitting up curled on his bed. I repeat his _bed! _When was the last time Leo even acknowledged this poor piece of furniture's existence let alone actually use it? Bed neglect…tsk..tsk… Sure he wasn't sleeping, but at least he was using his bed for something.

"Leo?" I called out his name cautiously. On my tip toes I went into his bedroom with my toes curled.

My older brother turned his head and gave me a blank stare. I made my way on to his bed sitting in front of him. Something shiny was in his hand. It was glinting, even with the lack of light.

My eyes widened with horror as I saw a knife that was identical to the one Leo had used to cut himself. Fortunately, Leo was just staring at the knife. There didn't seem to be any blood or cuts. In fact, his skin seemed to be unharmed. Not even a scratch.

"Leo what are you doing with that knife?" I questioned him with a quivering voice trying to grab the knife but he wouldn't let me. In fact Leo growled at me in protest.

"Give me the knife Leo," I ordered him. It felt weird instructing our leader to do something. But for the past few weeks he hasn't been much of a leader. I'd like to think that gave me more authority over him.

"Mikey…." Leo sighed calmly staring at the knife not even looking at me in the eyes. His expression was still blank. "Are you still in any pain?"

"Pain?" I mumbled confused. He looked up at me giving the same blank look. "I'm fine Leo. Are you any pain?"

"I can help you," Leo offered casually staring at me from the bed.

Chills ran through my spine. The way he said it sounded strange to me. It didn't sound like something Leo would say. It wasn't the words that were strange, but the way he said it didn't sound like Leo.

"Help me with what?" I breathed staring at the knife. Now I can see how Leo was so fixated on this cutting utensil. But then again, I've always been a fool for shiny objects. Heh, like I've mentioned before, some things never seem to change.

Instead of giving me a straight answer, Leo looked down at the knife then back at me giving the same blank look. I yelped when my older brother aggressively tackled me to the floor, with the knife carelessly in his hand. A scream was about to escape before Leo put his hand to my mouth silencing me. He then told me quietly, "I'm going to help ease the pain."

My heart was pounding furiously when I suddenly realized what he was going to do. I began shaking violently and squirming under Leo strong hold. Tears began streaming from my eyes. Even while I was being emotional, Leo still gave me a blank expression. Leo knelt down and placed a kiss on my face while taking the knife and slicing my throat open.

My mouth was uncovered briefly, but I couldn't scream. I began choking on my own blood, while Leo watched me dying below him closely. The struggle that came from me stopped, I went limp, and then everything went dark. The last thing I was Leo's blank stare.

* * *

"NO!" I gasped and then started breathing heavily. What in the world?

The first thing I saw was my bedroom ceiling again. Looking around, I saw the same messy room as before. Comic books were lying around carelessly, so were the action figures. Just like earlier, my nun chucks were lying on the floor. Again, I rolled to the foot of my bed this time shaking uncontrollably. Even with the cold bedroom, I was dripping with sweat.

Picking up my nun chucks, I looked around the room. Everything seemed to be déjà vu. Poking my head out of the bedroom, I saw the familiar hallway, and heard the familiar snores. I panicked at the familiarity. Right away, I knew I had woken up from a nightmare. But now it seemed like I was in a nightmare within a nightmare. Walking out of bedroom, I began pinching myself trying wakeup again, and even started pounding my head against the wall. Slowly, I began taking in deep breaths sighing.

Okay Mikey, if this really is the same nightmare as earlier, then STAY AWAY FROM LEO. Don't make the same mistakes you did before. You're not walking into the psychopath's bedroom ever again.

Reluctantly, I laid my head against the wall and thought about the nightmare. I knew there was something fishy about the nightmare. Something was offsetting. It wasn't just Leo's stares or his unusual behavior. It was the lack of injuries that was on my oldest brother fact, there weren't _any _injuries. And keep in mind he just went to see Donnie to treat his cuts. Donnie is a great doctor and all, but even he can't get rid of the scars right an away. And in my dream, there were no bandages or anything. No matter how realistic a dream may seem, there's always something out of place.

Instead of going to Leo's room, I decided to make my way to Donnie's room, but then I froze when I heard snores from the main room. It had to be either Raph or Donnie. I had to go talk them. Weather or not they were real or my dream brothers, they had to be better than sadistic Leo.

I accidently yelped out loud when I saw my oldest brother sleeping on the couch. Fearfully I backed up from the sleeping Leo. But he was waking up. Maybe in my nightmares Leo is everywhere, and I was meant to be killed by him over and over! I curled myself behind the couch hoping he would just fall back asleep again.

"Mikey?" Leo's voice shook groggily from his sleep as he sat up from the couch.

I shrieked when I saw his concerned eyes meeting mine while I was behind the couch. Some hider I am. While, curling into a ball I cried, "Stay away from me Leo!"

Instead of giving me a blank stare as before, Leo looked startled. Quickly, he flipped himself over the couch and crouched down right in front of me frowning. He had his arm wrapped in bandages, and there were the recognizable scrapes and bruises the last time I had seen the real Leo. But, maybe that was because my mind was my mind was fixing the flaws that were in my dream before.

I looked at my oldest brother carefully trying to find any sign of a knife. But it wasn't there. But then again….it was probably my dream fixing its mistakes!

When Leo got closer to me, I screamed at the movements and took off running back to my bedroom not looking back. Hopefully when I get back to bed, I'll fall asleep and wake up for real this time. But before I could make it, I bumped into a strong body whose arms grabbed me.

"Let me go Leo!" I cried. He was everywhere this time. He was after me!

"Chill Mikey. It's me Raph," my second older shushed me.

My struggling ceased and I began to break down in sobs burying my head in Raph's shoulder. He tensed up in surprise and confusion before giving me a comforting hug. We mad our way to the couch as I curled up into my brother crying softly.

"What's wrong with Leo anyway?" Raph asked confused while patting my shell.

My head jerked up at the question, and I blinked for a few minutes. This wasn't a dream was it? This was real. Right after I made this sudden obvious realization, the sound of a door slamming shut echoed through the liar. The Leo I just ran away from was nowhere to be seen.

* * *

It was morning, and yet nobody was in the kitchen. I came over to make my usual coffee, and heard no noise around the lair. This was to be expected since the lair has always been quiet for weeks now. But, I was hoping for some signs of life. I still had my brothers living here, didn't I?

Leaving the kitchen, I was surprised to see Mikey and Raph curled up against each other fast asleep. I gradually made my way over to the sleeping brothers and gently shook them awake. Both of them woke dazedly.

Mikey's wide eyes met mine first and he whispered, "Donnie?"

"No this is God," I replied sarcastically while trying to shake Raph awake some more. The meathead decided to go back asleep. If he wasn't going to wake up soon, I wasn't afraid to poke him in any sensitive pressure points. I whispered the idea to Raph, who then perked up.

"Poke me and I'll beat you to death with a spoon Donnie," Raph grumbled sitting up instantly. Mikey giggled at the threat and rolled away from Raph on to the floor, before standing up acting bright awake.

Mikey was giving this fake appearance of being seemingly wide awake and calm. But I knew something was up. Even under the orange mask there were bags under his eyes and his eyes were blood shot. Under careful observation Mikey seemed to be slouching a little in his posture from exhaustion.

I patted my younger brother on the shoulder. Even though I was happy to see Raph and Mikey being close, something about this situation seemed kind of funny. Last I checked it was Raph and Leo sleeping in this room. Not Mikey and Raph. Where is our oldest brother anyway?

"Did you have a rough night?" I asked my little brother who was giving a big yawn.

Mikey gazed at me quietly before replying with unusual brightness, "yeah."

"Liar," Raph accused Mikey, giving him a light smack on the back of the head. "You were screaming your head off, and ran right into me. And then…"

"Drop it," Mikey grumbled to Raph sheepishly before turning to face me. "Ummmm….something startled me. That's all."

"Liar," Raph repeated glaring at Mikey. "If you were startled you wouldn't have been cr…"

"What part of 'drop it' do you not understand Raph?" Mikey asked the red-clad ninja accusingly. He lowered his eyes right back at to me. "Okay fine….I had a nightmare. But it wasn't that bad."

"Liar," Raph continued to repeat again from couch causing my little brother to groan. I couldn't help but snicker at the comical interaction between my two brothers. For every "liar" Mikey received, Raph smacked him on the back of the head. But I couldn't help but notice that there was something serious going on here.

"Okay…so the nightmare was scary. I'll get over it."

"Liar."

"SAY LIAR ONE MORE TIME AND-"

"Okay Miky, calm down. You're exhausted. So obviously you're cranky from lack of sleep. How about you tell me about your nightmare, and go back to your room to sleep," I suggested to my younger brother nervously. Kneeling down, I placed both hands on his shoulders. It was kind of amusing at the same time perplexing seeing Raph being the one annoying Mikey, and Mikey being the one to lose his temper. I didn't know weather to be concerned about the switching of roles all of a sudden, or just let it slide. Mikey didn't usually get this snappy. Now he knows how Raph feels.

Mikey sighed and Raph put in, "Yeah, I'd like to hear about this nightmare too. And what you were so afraid of last night? You'd think that someone was out there to kill you."

Mikey shivered at Raph's last remark. I narrowed my eyes at Mikey's reaction and then to Raph. Silently, I was trying to communicate with the hothead, "Hey Mr. Observant. I think Mikey's nightmare has something to do with a killer."

But Raph didn't get the silent message I was trying to send and stared at me blankly as if saying, "what?" I rolled my eyes at him while Mikey looked between the two of us confused.

With a nice warm cup of coffee in my hands, I sat down on the other couch listening to Mikey explain his nightmare to us. But he seemed deeply frightened by whatever nightmare he had just experienced. His eyes were widened in terror and he began shaking. I reached over to grab his hand to calm him down, and my little brother looked up at me gratefully.

"Thanks Donnie," Mikey mumbled before explaining his dream. "Actually it's not that complicated of a dream. It started when I woke up in my bedroom. Everything was normal. I walked to Leo's bedroom. Stepped inside to see how he was doing. I saw he had a knife in his hand. We talked and then he slit my throat. That's it."

Raph and I glanced at each quickly at this. Then Raph's eyes widened after a few seconds to comprehend. He then asked Mikey, "Hey Mikey, was it Leo you were screaming and running from?"

Mikey guiltily nodded his head before whispering, "Yeah….the real Leo this time."

There was a pained expression on my little brother's face as if he had just made a grave mistake. I leaned over to give my baby brother to give him a gentle hug, which he completely ignored. My little brother looked like he was in his own world this time, staring off into space. It worried me to actually see Mikey give little emotion. He was no longer trembling or contorting his face into a sob. But rather, he was suppressing whatever emotion was going on deep inside. I wanted to shake whatever emotion that was going on inside of him out. It was only killing him.

"I messed up big time Donnie," Mikey whispered not looking at any of us but staring at something that only he could see in front of him.

"Mikey you were scared," I insisted to my little brother letting go of the hug.

Mikey gazed up at me darkly before saying, "I know Leo probably doesn't hate me for running scared from him. And he'd probably even forgive me and tell me to forget the whole thing…but…"

Mikey paused for a second catching his breath while looking at the floor. He warily sat back against the couch in frustration while closing his eyes. His voice sounded unusually raspy this time, "why did I dream about Leo killed me?"

Before I could answer that question Raph beat me to it, "because your mind is screwing with you. Obviously Leo would never kill you."

I glared at Raph for beating me to the punch before nodding my head in agreement. Raph was right. Mikey's mind was screwing with him. The dream was all in his head. It was only a terrifying imagination. His subconscious was messing with him.

"What if I can't look at Leo the same way again?" Mikey asked worriedly.

"Mikey," I began gripping his shoulder again forcing him to look at me. "This is all in your head. Look at the real Leo. You know the real Leo wouldn't even try to hurt you let alone kill you. Focus on him and not the twisted one that your mind just invented."

Mikey nodded at my advice giving a small appreciative smile. It was unknown how much he took my advice to heart. But in order for are family to fully heal, we needed the youngest brother to comfortable around the oldest one.


	5. Chapter 5

**This whole whole chapter is all in Raph's POV. The italics are obvious flashbacks. **

* * *

Ever since Splinter's death, another bad habit that Leo got attached to was not eating at the kitchen table. Did he not like eating while we were around? Was he self-conscious about eating at the table? I don't know. All I know is when any of us ask for Leo to come down to eat with us, he either ignores us or comes up with a pathetic excuse. Ignoring seemed to be the preferred escape method. But being ignored is not really my thing.

* * *

_ I am not going to just let Leo sit in his room in solitude away from the rest of us, especially during meals. Ignoring me was not the option Leo used to deal with me. Barricading the door apparently was. On my first attempt at trying to convince Leo to come out, I pick locked the door so I could drag him out of the room by force. Coaxing is not really my thing. There are other ways of persuasion that I live by. A majority of them involve getting physical. I figured my physical persuasion would work fine on Mr. Mopey over here. Donnie told me he's fragile. I get that. But I figured he's fragile mentally, not physically. A couple of bruises are not going to cause any permanent hurt. _

_ After I pick locked the door for the first time, Leo caught me by surprise. He roundhouse kicked me out the door instantly into the wall before shutting it again. The wall behind me left the obvious dent of a shell. It'll be curious sight for anybody walking by. I should've known that Leo would've seen me picking the lock and was waiting to pummel me if I dared to trespass his haven. As thick-headed as seems, he's still got more of a brain than many individuals._

_ Afterwards, he must have done something to the damn door, because it wouldn't open even if you pick the lock. And yes, I was ruthless enough to pick the lock a second time. But this time around I was prepared for the welcome Leo was going to give me once I opened the door. Even after I picked the lock, the handle still wouldn't budge. Kicking the down didn't do any good either. _

_ After many failed attempts at trying to get past that stupid door, I came over to Donnie while he was in his dim-lit lab. It reeked of unrecognizable chemicals. The various machines and gadgets littered around the room were beeping as obnoxiously as ever. Even while wanting to leave that room so badly, I managed to ask Donnie, "Hey Donnie do you know where I can get a chainsaw?"_

_ Donnie then dropped his tools for what he was working on the counter in surprise with a clatter and then glared at me suspiciously. When he faced me he was wearing one of his oversized dorky safety goggles and an apron. It was like he was making a potion or something. He had on a surgical mask, gloves, elbow pads, anything for protection. There were gag-worthy fumes issuing from a large glass beaker on the counter that made me scrunch up my nose. Donnie asked me looking evidently annoyed, "Raph? Do I even want to know why you're asking me this?"_

_ Both of my hands were cupping my nose to protect my sense of smell from the intoxicating fumes. No wonder Donnie was wearing a surgical mask. Ignoring the stinging sensation in my nose I asked Donnie feigning my disbelief, "Oh come on! What kind of turtle do you think I am?"_

_ "A very destructive violent turtle," Donnie replied slightly amused while picking up his fallen tools off the counter. One of the tools looked like an over sized pipette, while the second tool was unrecognizable in the darkness. But even if the room was lit up, I probably wouldn't have recognized it. It had this weird complex shape that I assumed even most educated people wouldn't even recognize._

_ "I may or may not have to agree with you on that one. But the chainsaw isn't for anything destructive," I promised the genius turtle, struggling to make my voice appear gentle. He's not buying the whole me not thinking about doing anything destructive. The death glare Donnie is giving me with his hands to his hips says it all. He was holding both the tools with a tight grasp._

_ "Raph! You just asked me where you could get a chainsaw! YOU just asked where you can get a CHAINSAW! A CHAINSAW! You plus chainsaw equals DESTRUCTION!" Donnie yelled throwing his arms up in the air before turning back to his work. Using the pipette, he transferred the revolting chemicals into a beaker of clear liquid that could've been water. "What do you need the chainsaw for anyway?"_

_ "To saw Leo's bedroom door down so I can convince him to come down and eat with us," I answered honestly while scratching the back of my neck. Donnie turned his face away from the little light that was entering his doorway, so I couldn't see his reaction to my answer. But he continued to do his lab work as if he didn't hear me._

_ "That's destructive Raph." Donnie grumbled, when a sudden clanking sound added itself to the many other annoying sounds in the room._

_ I came to the obvious conclusion that I am not going anywhere with this conversation. He seemed too occupied with whatever the freaky chemical he was working with to even have a decent conversation with me. While leaving the lab I muttered, "I know…I know…"_

* * *

After all these weeks of Leo not sitting at the kitchen table, I could've sworn I was hallucinating when I saw my oldest brother sitting at the wooden kitchen table eating cornflakes casually. He was aware of my presence instantly because his indifferent gaze met mine from his cereal. There was a glint of unfamiliar amusement in his gaze when he was my shocked expression.

I eyed him suspiciously before making my own bowl of cornflakes. There was a bit of an awkward silence in the kitchen for the brief amount of time it took to make my bowl of cereal and pour a glass of orange juice. But good ole Leo here didn't seem to mind or ignored the tension as he continued to munch his cereal so that the only noise in the room was the crunching of cornflakes. When I finally sat down on the table across from him with my breakfast I couldn't stop eyeing him suspiciously.

"Can I help you with anything Raph?" Leo asked me a little annoyed, still working on his cereal. He took a large sip of from his mug, which I assumed to be tea with a defiant gulp. I couldn't help but wonder if Leo was trying to tell me with his actions, 'hey look at me Raph! I'm eating at the kitchen table!'

I shook my head and took a large probably overdone bite out of my cereal and answered with my mouth full, "You haven't sat at the table for weeks. It just seems kind of sudden and weird."

My shoulder flinched from slight embarrassment at the gargling sound my voice made while talking with my mouth full. But Leo didn't seem to notice. Instead, he nodded at my answer while leaning back lazily in his chair. He stared at the cereal in his bowl contemplating a reply for a few seconds before finally saying, "Talking to you kind of enlightened me a little I guess. Isn't that what you wanted? For me to move on from my depression and go back to way things were?"

At that, Leo's eyes met mine again, the corners of his mouth twitched with satisfaction at his statement. He was right. As much as I did want Leo's depression to leave, I thought it would take time. I mean, he just tried killing himself a couple of days ago! Sure, talking to Mikey and I probably helped a lot. But I didn't think that talking to us alone would actually just get rid of his negative feelings altogether. Donnie even told me that healing would be a slow process. Even with me being the 'impatient one', I know that things like this don't just cure themselves over night.

But looking over at Leo he seemed much better. The dark circles under his eyes that were very prominent under his blue mask before were well hidden under his mask now. He seemed a lot brighter and much more content than before. Dare I say that Leo appears to have gotten some actual needed sleep? Leo also seemed obviously much happier. Maybe even a bit too happy. Even while just sitting there eating his cereal, he'd make these uncharacteristic smirks as though he just thought of something funny.

"Are you…you know…feeling better?" I asked tentatively a few more bites of cereal and gulp of orange juice later. After making that question I mentally berated myself for sounding worried.

Leo nodded again and smiled, flicking his metal spoon up to the ceiling with his wrist. He answered with an unusual amount of chirpiness that even the happiest Leo at times wouldn't have, "Yeah I'm feeling fine. I just had a big wakeup call yesterday. You helped out a lot, thank you. I was just a little sad from Splinter's death and got depressed. I'm fine and healing well."

Suddenly I dropped my spoon to the floor letting a loud clank echo through the kitchen. A combination of frustration, anger, and confusion was boiling in the pit of my stomach. Leo nearly jumped from his chair at my sudden change of mood and had both his hands grabbing the seat of his chair. His eyes widened with a bit of shock. I fought my hardest to contain my anger before telling Leo, "cut the crap Leo? What are you playing at? You almost frickin' killed yourself! And now you're saying you're FINE? You seemed so hesitant when I was talking to you…..this seems kind of too good to be true. Not even in the best case scenario would I have thought you'd get better this quickly. You haven't even talked to Donnie yet...or even talked openly about what you're going through….."

"Well, I guess some people heal faster than others," Leo shrugged casually while mixing the cornflakes in his bowl looking almost bored. He recovered from my outburst fairly quickly. His unfazed attitude actually took me by surprise. He was just brushing off my accusation, instead of defending himself. I really expected him to be shocked by accusation, but it was like he was _expecting _me to accuse him like this. Thinking back to it, his shocked expression at my outburst seemed forced.

"Raph? Hhhhhhhheeeeeeellllllllllllllooooooooooo….." Leo leaned forward pressing his middle plastron against the table snapping his fingers in front of my face. This caused me to blink as him in confusion before I shook my head. I let out a grunt at him and knelt down to pick up the dropped spoon. He smirked at me when I seemed to have gotten his attention. "And you think I think too much…."

I really didn't feel like confronting Leo about his unusual content behavior any further and began to change the subject, even though his behavior was getting to the point where he was freaking me out. No wonder Mikey had a nightmare about him.

"So….. Leo? About last night…were you fine with Mikey running scared from you like that? How did you feel about that?" I asked him. Yeesh, I sound like his therapist now. I thought that Donnie would be the one to take the honorary role of Leo's therapist. Suddenly I began mimicking Leo's stirring my cereal with my spoon as well. The five second rule should still apply to the fallen spoon.

Leo again shrugged before taking a spoonful of cornflakes in his mouth. With the same casualness as before he replied, "Mikey he a nightmare about me killing him or something like that right? Of course he'd be scared of me. And I am completely fine with that. He'll get over it."

If I didn't know any better, I seriously would've thought that Leo had an alter ego or multiple personality disorder. He was mostly smiles for the whole breakfast, eating his cornflakes, relaxed, not stressing over anything. It was a complete 180 of what he was just yesterday. Before laughing hysterically last night, Leo hadn't even forced a smile for weeks. I wanted to smack him upside the head. If I was talking to Leo before Splinter's death, and he was acting like this at the breakfast table I would've been completely fine with it. Before Splinter's death it would've been 'Leo is having a good morning' instead now which is 'Leo is being too happy. Who this and what has he done with my brother?' I wanted to strangle him for being this happy, as cruel and unusual as it sounds. Something just wasn't adding up.

"Wait…how did you know that Mikey had a nightmare about you killing him?" I asked suspiciously watching my brother closely for any signs of cracks in his façade. He gave me the same watchful look right back at me in amusement for a couple of seconds.

"Simple, I eavesdropped on your conversation," Leo snorted not even looking at me in the face anymore, but instead was staring at the kitchen light up above us as if waiting for the light to do something spectacular. He then quickly added sounding a little dazed, "Training in ninjitsu taught me to be aware of even the slightest of sounds. So I have very sharp hearing."

One of his pointer fingers gestured to where one of his ears would be. He smiled proudly at himself. It almost seemed as if he was bragging. And maybe he was bragging. But witnessing Leo brag about anything was unreal to me. I've seen Leo brag about stuff just like the rest of us before. But ever since his depression took place, he has very hard on himself. It was to the point where bragging was a lost cause.

"And you're fine with Mikey dreaming you killing him?" I demanded with more confusion and less anger, taking more forceful bites out of my cereal.

"Yeah well….Mikey has always had a wild imagination," Leo answered mildly while getting up to the sink to clean his bowl and mug. The sink made a high pitched screech before allowing water to flow freely. Both the bowl and the mug were filled the rim with water. Drops of thick orange soap were mixed in with the water. Leo contently took a yellow sponge and scrubbed both the mug and the bowl humming to himself. After a few long minutes of Leo washing dishes, with his shell turned to me, he looked over his shoulder and smirked, "are you done interrogating me Raph?"

Before I could answer, footsteps made their way to the kitchen. Donnie was the first one to stroll in yawning while Mikey followed behind him closely barely taking a glace at any of us. He seemed tense, his eyes were fixed on the back of Donnie's head. Both Mikey and Donnie paused in their steps when they saw Leo washing his cereal bowl. Donnie stared at the sight of Leo drying his bowl, while Mikey quickly looked away with his head down.

"Leo," Donnie gaped at his oldest brother, probably with the same suspicion I had not so long ago. I laid back against my seat hopefully waiting for Donnie to question Leo's intentions the same way I had, but in a more Donnie-like fashion. Mikey on the other hand quickly dashed to the fridge to take out some leftover waffles from a couple of days ago to warm them up in the microwave.

Leo glanced up at Donnie over his shoulder with his shell now facing all of us from the kitchen sink and answered curiously, "Yeah Donnie?"

Donnie shook his head, while Mikey forked a stack of waffles out of a clear plastic container on to a plate, before placing them in the microwave. He was completely ignoring the conversation between Donnie and Leo. My purple-clad brother commented the obvious, "well, you aren't normally in the kitchen."

Leo didn't seem to react to Donnie's comment, partly because he was probably expecting it to begin with. For a few seconds, he completely ignored the comment while he was drying his mug and then putting it away in an upper cabinet. When he finally acknowledged the genius turtle's comment after the microwave made a shrill beep, signaling that Mikey's waffles were ready. Leaning back, I took in a big sniff knowing that there'd be the obvious smell of waffles. The scent that trailed into my nostrils was a mixture of waffles and metal. Leo gave both Donnie and Mikey an aloof expression, causing Mikey to make an uncharacteristic shudder in front of the microwave. Leo told Donnie, "Well I feel like going to the kitchen and eating here now."

Our oldest brother then stepped out of the kitchen abruptly not even taking a second peek back at us. When my eyes followed the direction of where he was going, it wasn't to his bedroom as usual, but instead Leo made a turn for the dojo. The door to the dojo creaked when he opened it and then made an abrupt slam when he closed it behind him. I couldn't help but wonder if Leo wanted us to notice him entering the dojo and not his sacred bedroom.

When Donnie and Mikey settled themselves at the kitchen table, Mikey seemed a lot calmer after Leo left, and happily ate his waffles in strange relief. Donnie had quickly prepared coffee and cereal before settling himself down and the table.

"Okay….ummmm…any of you notice anything different about Leo?" I asked my two brothers from across the table, while resting my head against the palm of one of my hands. Donnie and Mikey both glanced up from their breakfast at me.

"Yeah," Mikey replied quickly with a grin, before grabbing the syrup bottle in the middle of the table and immersing his waffles in sticky syrup. Donnie who had been sitting next to our youngest brother scrutinized the waffles in disgust. While letting the syrup to continue drizzling down the waffles, Mikey piped up "He's happier. He's better."

Donnie then spoke up to Mikey turning craning his neck so his line of sight was away from the drenched waffles saying skeptically, "Don't you think he's improving a little to fast?"

Our youngest brother shook his head innocently before taking a large bite of the gooey waffles. He shrugged and then took a large gulp. Donnie rolled his eyes at his younger brother while taking light sips of his coffee. I sat back ignoring my cereal to watch the whole scene unfold. Mikey replied to Donnie's suspicions with a simple but effective, "no."

"No?" I questioned him before standing up out of my seat to put my bowl and glass away into the sink. I wasn't planning on giving a full bath to my dishes like Leo had just done. I'll just leave them in the sink for whoever has dishwashing duty. I quickly sat back down on to the table across my brothers. "Mikey, you of all people should know that Leo just tried to kill himself not-so-long ago. Do you find it strange that Leo got this happy so suddenly overnight? Do you find that too good to be true?"

"Raph…." Mikey whined with his mouth full of waffles, much Donnie's disgust. "I thought you wanted Leo to be happy. He's happy now. Our family is going to get back to normal. Isn't that what you want?"

My baby brother subconsciously shuddered after mentioning Leo's name. But it was not subtle enough to go unnoticed by my gaze or by Donnie's. Donnie's eyes narrowed at the shudder, before he looked over at me. Mikey seemed to suddenly figure out that we saw him do something abnormal because he gave us another grin after swallowing his last mouthful of waffles, but his eyes glinted with unusual fear.

Donnie looking concerned, placed his hand on Mikey's shoulder lightly and explained, "Mikey, when people go through weeks of depression, it usually takes a while for them to get out of the depression. And Leo had severe depression. If it had been this easy for Leo to get out of depression this whole time, he would've been better earlier than this."

Mikey frowned at the explanation looking up at Donnie unconvinced. His shoulder twitched with Donnie's hand still lightly on top of it. He looked away from us before, retorting with a more child-like version of his usual voice, "Leo is fine. Just leave him alone, okay? He's good at solving issues like this. And…he solved it. Look, I can hear him training right now."

Mikey flicked his thumb and gestured over to the dojo. Sure enough, we could here bits of scuffling in the dojo. There was the creaking sounds of the punching bag being hit forcefully, plus the sounds of jumps, and quick movements. There was also a cracking sound of a blade breaking wood. It was the usual sounds of Leo doing the training he used to do before this crazy mess. But then again, that just added more to my suspicions that Leo was hiding something. But Mikey didn't seem to understand my suspicions completely, because he was smiling to himself proudly.

"Did it ever occur to you that this could be too good to be true?" Donnie asked Mikey with his eyes widening in disbelief taking his hand off of our little brother's shoulder, causing our little brother to give another twitch.

Mikey shook his head and answered, "What's so bad about Leo being happy? Regardless of how quickly he's becoming happy. I see no problem here."

There was a strange quiver in his more child-like voice. Mikey seemed to be unaware that he was no longer smiling and acting like everything was okay. Instead, he was taking in deep breaths and though air was a precious commodity. He didn't even bother looking at me and Donnie in the eye, and was shaking a little, while tapping both his feet on the floor.

"Mikey, is there something you'd like to share with us?" I asked trying to sound calm and collected. It took everything in me not to shake the little squirt to spill everything that was on his mind from across the table. You could tell Mikey was hiding something miles away. Donnie rested his elbows on the table while looking at Mikey with worry. His cereal was being completely ignored.

My youngest brother looked up at me startled by my accusing question. He began shaking his head again, but this time didn't stop the gesture of denial and answered vigorously, "no."

Donnie placed another hand on Mikey's shoulder, this time with a tenser grip. He quietly told Mikey leaning in closer to his ear, "There's clearly something wrong. Please tell us. Ever sense you we've stepped into the kitchen, you've been uncomfortable by something. What is it?"

Mikey took a deep breath in with his eyes to his waffles and had an unreadable expression glued on to his face. He stopped shaking his head and then shuddered before mumbling, "It's Leo. He freaks me out."

"Who doesn't Leo freak out?" I replied sarcastically, receiving a disapproving look from Donnie. "I mean, he's been a completely new person since yesterday. It's like he's been possessed by a unicorn or something."

"No it's not that," Mikey corrected me shaking his head again. His watery eyes met mine before confessing with a croak in his voice, "Ever since that nightmare last night, the image of Leo still freaks me out. I'm scared he's going to hurt me or one of you guys, or even kill us. This morning…I kind of…..yelled at him not to kill me."

My eyes widened in shock at Mikey's confession. It definitely did not explain the weird behavior that Leo was portraying. But the fact that Mikey expressed his fear to Leo a second time should've made Leo realize that Mikey is more than uncomfortable around him. Knowing Leo, he would've tried to do something about it. His depression probably would've worsened. Mikey was the most supporting to Leo out of all of us. And now that support is gone.

Donnie and I stared at Mikey for a few seconds like idiots, stunned at Mikey's confession. Mikey was burying his face in his hands, obviously uncomfortable by our stares. He gave a small hiccup before abruptly leaving the kitchen to his bedroom.

"Hey Raph…." Donnie mumbled to me while sipping his coffee. "Besides the behavior of our two brothers, did you sense anything odd, when all four of us were in the kitchen?"

My mind wandered freely back to the moment when Donnie entered the kitchen with Mikey following behind. Mikey was clearly afraid of Leo, while Leo was acting as content as ever. I was just sitting back watching the whole situation unfold. Nothing too strange seemed to occur besides Mikey and Leo's behavior. But Donnie did ask if I sensed anything else unusual. I didn't _see_ anything unusual, but there was something really weird going on in the kitchen. A strange metallic odor was very apparent in the room after I took a big sniff to smell Mikey's waffles. But I just shrugged it off.

"Yeah," I confirmed to Donnie standing up from my seat preparing to leave. My brother looked over at me frowning. He was playing with his cereal now, not taking a bite out of it yet. While Donnie listened to me intently I added hesitantly, "You probably noticed the smell of blood in the kitchen didn't you?"

* * *

** There's a reason for everything that's going on in this story.**


	6. Chapter 6

It felt like Donnie and I were being paranoid about the whole thing. We discussed the possibility of Leo and even Mikey holding this deep dark secret from us. There was also the scary thought of Leo planning his death. Donnie was suspicious of every single action our oldest brother was doing. I can't believe that I was the one that had to remind the genius that Leo is our brother, and that we had to put some trust in him. And for years we've always put all of our trust in Leo. We'll get that trust back one day. This would've been something Leo would say if the roles were switched.

While stepping out of the kitchen Donnie turned to me and told me, "I'm going to go looking around Leo's room, just to make sure that he's not hiding something. Maybe there'll be clues to his depression. I just need answers right now."

"What?" I exclaimed, my eyes widening in surprise. I looked at my brother as though I've never seen him before in my life. The thought of Donnie snooping around Leo's room was unheard of.

Everyone was wary of entering Leo's room, even if he was in the room and allowed it. God forbid you enter Leo's room without his consent. Our oldest brother loses it worse than me if he ever catches one of us in his room. And it's been years since anybody has been in Leo's room without his permission. Last time was back when we were kids. I snuck into his room back in our preteen days because I was angry at Leo (as usual) about something stupid. When he saw me in his sacred bedroom, Leo was pissed off for weeks. And during those weeks wouldn't even talk to me. We never knew why Leo didn't want to us to go into his bedroom, but we've always accepted the idea of not going into his bedroom without consent. When consent was given, Leo will be in his room watching you like a hawk. No one has ever searched his room before. Who knows what could in that place?

"Donnie you do realize searching through Leo's room is an unspoken crime in here right?" I questioned my brother, putting both hands on his shoulders, trying not to shake the genius. We stood a few feet in front of the kitchen entrance.

Donnie nodded and looked at me darkly. He told me with command in his voice, "Listen Raph, what Leo doesn't know, won't hurt him. Doing nothing, and take the chance of him dying from this would be even worse."

He had a point. But even I hated the idea of one of my brothers putting themselves at risk of Leo's wrath. It can be humorous at times to see Leo angry, but to see Leo act completely cold and pissed off at you was once every few years. And generally Leo wouldn't get that mad unless you did something unforgivable, or you went into his room. Unfortunately, I had to take Donnie's word for it that it was for the best not only for Leo, but for the entire family.

"Distract Leo as long as you can while I do my searching. Try to make sure he doesn't sense me," Donnie order sharply heading towards the direction of our oldest brother's secretive bedroom.

I glared at Donnie's commanding attitude towards me, but quickly got over it and nodded. Before heading into the dojo, I could hear the rattling chains of the punching bag nearby. I asked Donnie, "What do you want me to do to distract him?"

Donnie stopped walking away from me and shrugged with his shell facing me. He craned his neck to look at me and gave me a smug expression, "Raph, you and Leo will be in the dojo. You'll think of something. Spar with him or just idly chat. Start an arguement. Do whatever the situation calls for. You'll figure it out. Ask Leo for help with something. He can't ignore a brother's cry for help."

I pondered at Donnie's suggested and shrugged. To my realization, the question I probably just asked Donnie was kind of stupid, and I waved off Donnie's suggestions. If as long as I can distract him, Donnie should be good. And I had some better ideas and how to distract my older brother. Donnie seemed to realize that I wasn't taking his suggestions to heart and smirked before heading towards Leo's bedroom once again.

My eyes wavered to the dojo door, and there was no sound coming from the room this time. Hitting the punching bag must have ceased.

I strolled over to the dojo, opened the doors, and walked in confidently. Looking around, I saw that the room was almost pitch black, with the exception of a number of candles circling the room dimly. From across the room I saw my oldest brother kneeling down lighting the last candle with his shell turned to me. The memory of the smell of blood in the kitchen still plagued my mind. I took a big whiff of the dojo. There was a strong smell of incense from the flickering candles, plus the smell of wood from the dojo. Even through all the strong fumes, there was the faint smell of metal. But looking around there were metal weapons all over the dojo, so of course there'd be that smell of metal. I shook my head to myself, and gave up the idea of trying to find the owner of the blood that was sensed earlier.

Part of me began to self-doubt my sense of smell and began thinking that maybe that metallic smell in the kitchen wasn't blood, but rather just normal metal. But Donnie seemed to sure it was blood, and he told me he could tell the difference between the smell of blood and metal. When Donnie tells you that, you have to just take his word for it. But I've seen enough blood spilled enough times to recognize the pungent metallic smell. The dojo just had the faint scent of regular metal, not blood. While the metallic smell in the kitchen had the metallic scent, although faint, reminded me of bloodshed.

While still behind Leo, I walked up to his shell a few feet away from him and made an obvious loud grunt. My older brother evidently heard the grunt, and turned around quickly to face me in surprise.

After lighting the final candle, Leo flicked the lighter off quickly and put it in a tiny sack on his belt. When his eyes met mine, for a split second his eyes widened in surprise. But he blinked a few times before finally asking, "Hey Raph. What are you doing here?"

His tone sounded more demanding than happy to see me. But nonetheless Leo forced a small smile at me. The candlelight accentuated his facial expression in the darkness. While waiting for the answer he stepped into the middle of the dojo, and calmly crossed his legs.

"Would, you believe me if I told you that the incense is a bit too strong for my liking, and I came over here to tell you to go easy on the incense?" I asked him smirking, taking in an overly dramatic sniff, before scrunching my face in disgust. Truthfully, the incense wasn't really that strong. In fact, it's unlikely you could smell it outside of the dojo. The insides of me panicked after this sudden realization. Leo seemed to notice too.

My oldest brother carefully looked at my suspiciously. I tried not to give anything away in my facial expression. Leo simply replied, "No, I would not believe you."

With genuine concern he never took his gaze off me. Leo then asked me, "seriously, Raph…what are you doing here?"

He was on to me. Leo of all people would know that something fishy was going on even though everything seemed completely ordinary at first glance. He'd be the first one to say "this is too easy," or "this doesn't feel right." It would be difficult to get a lie passed him. The best thing I could come up with was give a half-lie.

Taking a deep breath in I sighed, pretending that he had caught me. Leo still eyed me suspiciously in the dimly lit room. I told him, "I was coming over to check on you. You haven't been here in a while. I was just seeing how you were doing."

"You don't need to check on me," Leo quickly responded with a hint of frustration in his voice. He calmly mumbled, "I'm fine."

Worried that Leo would snap at me, then run off to his room, I quickly changed the subject. Sitting down in front of him, crossing my legs I asked him, "What are you doing?"

"I'm going to meditate obviously," Leo declared contently still gazing at me.

I should've have known. Actually I did know that Leo was going to meditate. But, Donnie did say do whatever you can to distract Leo. A very effective method distraction is asking mindless questions to our wise old brother Leo. Every second of distraction counts. Actually, I was relieved to see that Leo was preparing to meditate. Meditation for Leo can last for a good hour or two. This should leave plenty of time to search through Leo's room. My job is to make sure he stays in the dojo meditating and try to subtly delay the meditation.

"You haven't meditated in a long time Leo," I commented the obvious, trying to delay the meditation. Even with the five minutes I've been sitting cross legged, I twitch uncomfortably. How the heck can Leo and Master Splinter sit still for so long?

"Yeah, I haven't," Leo admitted quietly still staring at me. My older brother seemed to be fixated at my presence. He wasn't used to having me around this much ever since his depression, in fact he hasn't been used to having anyone around him at all. Leo added after a couple of seconds, "But I need to try to relax."

"You seemed so content and relaxed at breakfast," I blurted. Leo stiffened at my comment but nodded.

"Happy is not the same thing as being relaxed. I need to relax," Leo insisted. His eyes were pleading to me for whatever reason. He was struggling with something. But I can't tell what he's struggling with at the moment. My older brother then shut his eyes and took in deep breaths. "Are you going to join me Raph?"

There was a tint of humor in his voice. Leo knew I would rather jump off a building than meditate, and he expected the predictable rejection out of me. I mentally debated weather or not I wanted to meditate with Leo. Meditation with Leo would be a good way to make sure I was in the same room as Leo, and I had to keep an eye on him. But then again, me meditating with him would appear suspicious, plus I hate it.

"No sorry, you're on your own. Meditation isn't really my thing," I answered standing up from my sitting position.

I didn't want to leave the room, and allow Leo to escape the dojo into his bedroom. But Leo would know that I'm still in the room if I stayed, and would demand to know why I was watching him meditate the whole time. If I waited by the door, I'd have to be careful. He'd know if there was movement in front of the dojo, and might want to know why. But then again….Leo doesn't get distracted that easily.

I made up my mind to go to the main room, and just watch the doors to the dojo. I'll pretend to read a magazine, or something.

At that, I turned my heels and as quiet as possible, and left the dojo to leave Leo to meditate. Looking back in the dim candlelight, he seemed to be at peace at first. His face was calm and emotionless. This made me believe that could easily hold this position for a while. But as I closed the door, I saw Leo's face scrunch up in discomfort.

About ten minutes later, from the couch I saw Leo leaving the dojo with a saddened expression on his face. His head was tilted to the floor and it looked to me that he was heading towards his bedroom. Exhaustion from training in the dojo probably set its toll on the leader. But I couldn't let him enter his room just yet. As far as I could tell, Donnie was still in the bedroom.

"Hey Leo!" I called to my brother. Leo faced me looking slightly annoyed, but also interested. He came over to me and sat down on the other side of the couch. I pointed out the obvious by mentioning, "Well that meditation didn't take too long."

"I couldn't relax," Leo mumbled simply, laying his head back against the couch. Beads of sweat trailed their way down the side of his temple, but I don't think he noticed.

I sat up and pulled one arm around Leo and suggested, "How about we go for a run around the sewers. That'll help you relax."

Leo's shoulders were really tense as I put my arms around him. I could see now why Leo was trying to relax. But there were also a million other reasons besides tense shoulders that explained why Leo needed to relax as well. Running around the sewers wasn't the best idea on my behalf. Especially since Leo was tired as it is, but the thought of Donnie being broken apart by Leo's rage was not something I wanted to see in real life.

"Raph, you don't have to do that," Leo replied exasperated, while unwrapping my arm that was still around his shoulders.

Something in my head clicked, as I suddenly put two and two together after Leo's last comment. I quickly insisted to him, "I know we don't have to go for a run in the sewers. But I _want_ you to come with me for a run in the sewers."

Leo's eyes widened, before asking tentatively, "You really want me to join you for a run in the sewers?"

"Yes," I continued insisting, sitting up from my seat on the couch. "Didn't you hear me the first time? I want you to join me on a run through the sewers."

Leo sat up from his seat on the couch too and declared, "Okay I'll go."

When I stepped into Leo's unfamiliar bedroom, guilt set in. I knew I shouldn't be searching through my brother's own bedroom. It was his personal space. We had no right invading the privacy he had. But Leo's confusing behavior was perplexing, and the thought of him killing himself was daunting. I needed the smallest bit of info as to what was going through Leo's head. For weeks I've been trying to talk to him, but he's given me little to work with. And now I had to resort to this.

The bedroom was disturbingly bare for the most part. Items were kept to a minimum. A bare bookshelf that was once filled with any random book Leo could've gotten his hand on was half-empty. The books that remained on the shelf were among and Leo's favorites as I recall. It was hard to tell how recently these books have even been opened. The bookshelf was the first place to look for any clues on Leo's behavior. My first choice would've been a journal of some kind, or maybe some random bits of writing. Leo must have written his thoughts somewhere. I wouldn't be surprised if he didn't though. I flipped through every book on the shelf just looking for something. There were probably a dozen to two dozen books on that shelf. Nothing was written in any of them.

After finding nothing in the bookshelves, I began searching through dresser drawers in search of something. But searching the drawers didn't take too long, mostly because there wasn't a single scrap of anything in the drawers. It puzzled me for a moment why nothing could be found in the drawers. Did Leo ever put anything in the drawers to begin with?

Stepping back for a few moments, I examined the room from a broader point of view. It was a simple and clean bedroom. In fact, it was too simple and clean in my opinion. Hotel rooms after going through room service were messier than this place. The half filled bookshelf was already covered. The dresser was already covered. There was nothing on the dresser or in the dresser for that matter. Not even alarm clock. It surprised me to think that Leo would get rid the alarm clock I knew had at one point. The only other thing left unsearched was the neatly made bed. I purposely avoided the bed knowing I would mess up the sheets and would be unable to remake the bed. But the bed was my last hope.

Instead of messing with the bed sheets, I decided to search under the bed. It's very common for things to be hidden under someone's bed. To my relief, there were three cardboard boxes under the bed.

I eagerly stretched my arms under the bed to grab the nearest box. The box wasn't taped shut, so I could easily turnover the cardboard flaps to get a glimpse of what was inside. First thing I saw was a silver photo album of our family. Black marker etched the words **MEMORIES** on top in Leo's handwriting.

Even while flipping through the album and seeing the various pictures of our family, I barely remembered any of these pictures. Many of the pictures consisted of when we were toddlers. It shocked me to see my younger self. I barely remember what I looked like as a toddler. Every happy picture I flipped through, I took out to see if there was anything written on the back. But not a single picture had anything. While I would love to just curl up and look through the heartwarming album some more, I knew that time was of the essence, and hesitantly put the album aside.

The only other thing in that box was a blue notebook which I gratefully picked up and searched through. To my utter frustration, there was nothing written in any of the pages. I knew that finding some secret journal full of Leo's precious thoughts was going to be unlikely, but it was best thing I could possibly find.

The second box under the bed was taped shut. As a result, I decided to save it for later, not wanting to leave any evidence of my invasion behind for Leo to find. This room was so neat, that Leo would obviously know when someone had been in his room.

Fortunately, the third box wasn't taped shut from the looks of it from under the bed. Unfortunately, it seemed to be deep under the bed. As a result, I had to literally squirm under the bed to reach the box. Pulling the box from under the bed proved to be more difficult than I anticipated. There was nothing to grab on to the hefty box but the wooden corners. The box also proved to be heavier than it looked. It might as well have been a box full of bricks. It took two strong tugs for me to finally pull the box into the light away from the bed.

I let out a silent gasp when I saw the contents of what was inside the box. The first thing I saw was the large dull helmet of the Shredder. But after seeing the dull silver helmet, I wasn't surprised to find the matching armor below it. It only puzzled me for a few seconds on how Leo had obtained Shredder's armor. But another thought came to mind that I never knew where Shredder's armor wounded up in the first place. I wasn't there when the Shredder fell from the top the empire state building, so I never knew what happened to the body either. There was no news of an armored corpse below the empire state building on TV after Shredder's death either. I just assumed that the foot soldiers were the ones to pick up the body. But thinking back to it, Mikey did say that the foot soldiers along with Karai fled when they had the chance. Maybe I should ask Mikey if he knew what happened to the Shredder's body.

When I took out all of the Shredder's armor from the box, the only thing that was left was a single silver metal arrow. It wasn't any arrow I recognized right away. After picking up the arrow, a strange tingling was felt traveling down my spine. My fingers lightly stroked the thin arrow in thought. From far away it looked as simple as an arrow could get. Everything seemed normal from the nook down to the point. But something beyond that point startled me, causing me to nearly drop the arrow. It fell briefly from my grasp, before I quickly caught it midair.

A syringe needle was sticking out of the arrow tip.

Questions started pouring into my mind as I stared at the arrow. What does this mean? What was in the syringe? Where's this arrow from? Did anybody get hit by the syringe? Why is there was syringe in the arrow in the first place? Why does Leo have this arrow? Could this be what I'm looking for?

In a matter of a few seconds, my mind answered a couple of those questions as I quickly placed the armor back into the cardboard box, and kicked it back under the bed aiming somewhere around the spot I found the box to begin with. The arrow was still clutched in one hand as I gave the box a second kick.

Right as I stepped out of the room I heard Raph calling for me in the distance for help.

"Get over here Donnie! Something is wrong with Leo!"


	7. Chapter 7

**Sorry I haven't updated in a while. But I'm back and am determined to finish this. A lot of questions will be answered in this chapter! Feedback is helpful.**

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It took a couple of hours for me to finally be able to fall back asleep. It's strange wanting to fall back asleep after having a vivid nightmare of your brother stabbing you the night before. But my restless mind needed ease. Chills ran through my spine every time my oldest brother had even taken the smallest glance towards me. Leo barely even looked at me in the kitchen. When he did bother to make the smallest gesture of acknowledging my existence, it felt like a psychopath was staring right at me instead. The only thing that kept me from screaming in fear was the company of my other two brothers in the same room as me. The worst part is, there is this voice of reason in my mind who knows that Leo would never hurt me.

It seemed that right after I was able to settle down and fall asleep, Raph's yells from outside my door stirred me awake.

"Get over here Donnie! Something is wrong with Leo!"

Without hesitation, I bolted upright from my bed and sprinted out of my bedroom door to see what the panic was about. If any of my brothers were in trouble, I had to be there for them. I wasn't going to make the same mistake that I did with Leo, even though the sight of my oldest brother causes me to tremble in fear.

After entering the living room, my heart sank when I saw my red-clad brother in the living room half-dragging a pale limp Leo in his arms. Raph's eyes were widened in complete terror, while he kept on shouting until my other older brother came over to help Raph carry a limp Leo over to one of the couches. Raph let the terror in his face relax when our genius brother came over to help carry Leo's body. They exchanged a few words with each other as they carried our oldest brother to the couch. My hot-headed relaxed a bit more as Donnie kept on carrying conversation with him. Whatever Donnie was saying to Raph at the moment, I really wanted him to say those same words to me. If I didn't know any better, I would've thought Leo was dead.

Once Leo was on the couch, Donnie rushed over to his lab while Raph kneeled in front of the couch in worry holding on of Leo's pale hands. Raph tilted his head over in my direction and his eyes met mine. I refrained from making an audible gasp as I saw the look of worry in my older brother's eyes. He didn't say anything, but waved one arm beckoning me to kneel beside him.

It took me a few seconds to take in my surroundings as I was still frozen to the spot after seeing the shocking scene unfold. Blinking a few times, I hesitantly rushed over to kneel beside Raph by Leo's side. I cringed at seeing my brother's sickly form up close. He didn't look this bad this morning. Although, that's not saying much since I could barely even glance at Leo without giving an involuntary shudder. Fortunately at the moment, Leo didn't seem too frightening to me. I hoped that wasn't just because of the very vulnerable form he was in.

Raph quickly let go of his grasp of Leo's hand allowing me to grab my older brother's unusually cold sweaty hand. Feeling his sickly hand made me feel queasy. It felt like I was holding on to the hand of a dead corpse.

"What is taking Donnie so long?" Raph growled mostly to himself at the floor living room floor.

Right as that question had been asked, Donnie came racing out of his lab with a paper grocery bag. My older brother seemed unusually calm, especially compared to Raph who looked like he wanted to hit something. But I just assumed that it was the doctor in Donnie that allowed him to remain calm in emergency situations like this.

I quickly began to stand up to give Donnie some room to help Leo. But before I could I do anything else, Donnie pressed hard against my shoulder gesturing me to sit back where I was. He then grabbed Leo's hand and mine forcing me hold on to the pale hand a bit more. To my disappointment, Donnie backed away from Leo.

"Donnie! What are you doing? Leo needs you!" I growled impersonating Raph. When I glanced over my other brother still kneeling next to me, he gave this surprising unfazed expression of not being bothered by Donnie's lack of action at all.

Donnie stayed a few feet away from Leo and sat down on the other couch unalarmed by the current situation at all. He folded his arms and opened his mouth to say, "You're right Mikey….Leo does need me. But there's nothing I can do to help Leo that you couldn't do."

"Huh?" I asked my older brother incredulously, tightening my grip on Leo's hand. "Our older just pasted out and is looking as sick as ever, and you're saying there's nothing you can do about it?"

"Wrong Mikey….there is certainly something I could do about this. But there's nothing the doctor inside me can do right this second," Donnie replied shaking his head, leaving me panicked. My older brother seemed to register the panicked expression on my face and added, "Maybe I should explain…."

"You think?" Raph grumbled to our brother in frustration. "I'm pretty much convinced that you have no idea what's going on here. Unfortunately, you're the only one that can help an unconscious Leo, so I'll have to trust whatever it is you're doing or not doing."

At that, my other older brother gave Donnie a dark glare, causing Donnie to nod his head registering that he understood. The genius turtle took in a deep breath to collect his thoughts, before folding his hands on to his lap.

"Before I explain this unusual case to you…I should probably mention that Leo should be fine for the next couple of hours as long as Mikey or Raph….or whoever keeps a tight grip on Leo's hand. He needs to know that we're there supporting him," Donnie explained, causing Raph and I to exchange confused glances worriedly. But even with the doubt of Donnie's abilities suddenly lingering in my mind, I kept a tight grip on Leo's hand figuring Donnie wasn't going to do anything regardless. Raph was right though, we had to trust what Donnie was doing.

"Will you just get on with it already," Raph snapped at Donnie annoyed. My hot-headed brother placed the palm of his hand on Leo's plastron keeping Donnie's advice in mind. My heart quickened when my eyes wandered all over Leo for any signs of movement. I was the verge of completely panicking when I saw no signs of life from Leo.

Raph noticed my sudden shaking and gently grabbed on to my shoulder whispered to me, "I can feel Leo's pulse."

At that, my other hand quickly shot up on to Leo's upper plastron to feel the reassuring heartbeat Raph was mentioning. Sure enough, I could feel the subtle rhythmic movements that coming from below Leo's plastron. I quickly smiled contently, before turning to Donnie who still sitting on the couch watching Raph and I curiously.

"Hmmmmm…..where do I begin?" Donnie muttered to himself. "There's a lot to explain…."

"How about start from…..I don't know the beginning?" Raph suggested sarcastically causing me to give him a half-smile. Even though the humor was kind of stupid, it was nice to know my older brother was at least trying to brighten the mood in situations as bad as this.

"You're right," Donnie sighed lying back against the couch to get comfortable. "I'll start from the beginning. Brace yourself, there's going to be a lot to digest here."

He still was taking a few seconds to gather his thoughts, while Raph and I exchanged curious glances. The room was dead silent allowing Donnie to find the words he needed to go into one of his genius explanations that we may or may not listen to. But it didn't seem like he going to talk about all this sciency garble to us, it seemed more like he was about to tell a story to us.

"Of course you all remember the day of Shredder's demise. Well…that's when this whole problem started," Donnie explained then glared at Raph as he was about to open his mouth to say something. "And yes Raph, I already know that you all probably knew that Leo's problems began on that fateful day. But there's more to it than that. To be exact, the problems started the second Shredder struck Leo with an arrow."

"Shredder did-what?!" Raph demanded our genius brother in surprise. I shook my head in confusion.

"But Donnie…" I began. "Shredder didn't hit Leo with an arrow. He hit him with a dagger. I saw it."

"Well I didn't see Leo get hit by anything," Raph admitted narrowing his eyes in confusion. "All I remember was Leo tackling the Shredder while the rest of us were fighting the foot."

"You are both mistaken," Donnie sighed to Raph and me, his eyes widened a bit when he saw Leo twitch on the couch. He didn't make a big deal over the sudden movement though. But I couldn't hide the smile that spread across my face when I saw the reassuring movement. "Shredder hit Leo with one of his arrows. You were all too busy fighting the foot to take notice. Here I'll show you…."

Donnie turned his attention to the large light brown paper grocery bag he carried out of his lab. He reached into the bag and rummaged through it for a few seconds for an unknown object. I could hear the crumpling of paper coming from the bag, while our genius brother hunched over a bit more to dig deeper. Raph who was still kneeling right next to me was tracing circles over our oldest brother's plastron out of boredom.

"Aha! Here it is!" Donnie exclaimed as he pulled out a thin silver object out of the bag, his face glowing of pure satisfaction. He was lightly stroking the silver object with his hand. My eyes widened as I noticed a pointed arrow at the end of the object. My older brother then waved the arrow in front of Raph and me so we could take a good look at the foreign object. "This is the arrow the Shredder hit Leo with! I'm sure of it…"

"Hey Donnie…." Raph began with a perplexed expression written all over his face. "To hit someone with a arrow….don't you use…I dunno…I bow and arrow!? I've never seen the Shredder use a bow before, and I think I'd remember if he did."

"Yeah, well….the Shredder not using a bow and arrow probably explains why Mikey thought this was a dagger." Donnie shrugged pushing the arrow closer to my line of vision. "But that detail is trivial. What is important is what is at the end of the tip of arrow."

I still couldn't wrap my head around where the conversation was going or why Donnie wanted us to look at the point of an arrow. It seemed like a typical arrow to me, although I was no expert at the makings of a bow and arrow myself. But I know a normal arrow when I see one. Nonetheless I squinted at the tip of the arrow concentrating on the spot one of my genius brother's fingers was gesturing to. At first there seemed to be nothing but air at the arrow tip. But then I let out a sharp breath of air at the sight of a thin needle poking out of the arrow.

The needle poking out of the arrow made subconsciously shiver at the sight. Needles never brought me happy memories. I can recall Donnie convincing Splinter that we all needed vaccinations in order not get sick many years ago when we were kids. Since we lived in the sewers, apparently we were prone to getting any aliments that may come our way. Before I knew it, Donnie had the three of us all sitting on his lab table waiting for him to plunge a needle into our skin at any moment. Leo sat in between Raph and I patiently. Donnie thought it'd be a good idea for me to receive the vaccinations first, to get it over with. But typical little ole' me had other plans.

The second Donnie pulled the needle out of the bag, I squirmed on the table. Once the needle was inches from my arm, I fearfully pulled my arm away refusing to be poked. Looking back on the memory, I was acting like such a baby over a dumb needle. It seemed that I was always the coward of the team. Leo had to hold my hand whispering words of reassurance while Donnie plunged the needle into my arm. The vaccine didn't seem so bad after that. In fact, the only bad thing that happened after that was Raph teasing me for acting like a baby about the needle. Although he stopped laughing after Leo quickly fake coughed the word "spider" right in front of all of us. The word "spider" caused my hot headed brother's face to pale and he took back his teasing.

It was moments like those that made my heart sunk as I realized how much I had missed my oldest brother. I also regretted taking him for granted sometimes too. While I showed more respect to him than I did my other two brothers, I never really took the time to thank him for being there for me. Plus, I can't remember ever being there for Leo nearly as much as he's been there for me. Heck, the only time I've ever been the one to comfort him was when I was stopped him from taking his life.

I was being completely honest with Leo when I told him that it was my turn to be "the strong one." But so far I haven't been so strong for Leo at all. Leo must have thought I was being insincere after seeing me run away in fear from him. In fact, he must have been so hurt seeing me lose trust in him. What kind of brother am I?

Raph and Donnie were exchanging a few words about the needle on the arrow tip, but their words meant nothing to me at the moment. All my attention was being given to the passed out Leo. I squeezed his hand a bit tighter mentally pleading for him to wake up so I could take back all the hurtful things I said or did to him. Then, without realizing it, I buried my head into Leo's shoulder. This action abruptly caused Raph and Donnie to halt their pointless conversation.

"Hey Mikey, are you okay?" Raph asked me nervously while softly nudging my arm with his fist. His eyes were pleading to me with a look of concern.

"I'm fine," I mumbled not really thinking too much about my answer. My red-clad brother narrowed his eyes at me not believing me, but then shrugged his shoulders. I turned my head that was still on Leo's shoulder to look at Donnie and whispered, "Please continue."

While I didn't want to hear Donnie's lengthy explanation on Leo's behavior, I knew that it was my duty as a brother to listen. The only way to help Leo was to hear what Donnie had to say.

"It's simple really…" Donnie breathed. He then held the arrow up and continued pointing at the needle. "The Shredder struck Leo with the arrow, causing the syringe to be plunged into him. The syringed carried chemicals from dimension X. The Shredder must've have received it from the Kraang. The moment Leo was hit with the needle he probably blacked out from the effects from the chemicals. That's what normally happens when someone is exposed to this particular dangerous compound."

"Woah…woah…" Raph interrupted Donnie a bit overwhelmed. He gave our brother a look a pure disbelief. "I know you're a genius and all….but how do you know all this? This is alien science…You can't just study it off of a random textbook on Earth."

"Funny you should say that…" Donnie replied grinning as he reached into the paper bag again to quickly pull out a thick purple book from the bag. There were papers that obviously didn't belong to the textbook that were sticking out of probably every page. From the corners of papers, I could make out Donnie's handwriting. He must've been taking notes while going through that book.

In fact, he probably wasn't taking notes at all. More than likely, he was probably translating the whole entire book. You could tell just from looking at the cover that it wasn't in English, but instead was written in unrecognizable gibberish. While the title was written in some unknown hieroglyphic-like script, there was a yellow sticky note right below it. In Donnie's handwriting the sticky note said _Useful Chemistry from Dimension X. _

Raph and I exchanged more glances at each other acknowledging that we knew where this strange book came from. We could also easily guess where Donnie was going to take this explanation but we didn't say anything as we waited for him to explain.

"This textbook was one I came across after destroying the Kraang base. I was curious and figured it might be useful. So obviously, while we were in the waiting period after Master Splinter's death and the rise of Leo's depression, I took the liberty of going through this whole book and translating every word. And "yes" I do know how to translate the language of dimension X. It's quite simple, and if you want I can teach you it. Anyhow…..this textbook went into great details of the many horrifying chemicals the Kraang have been able to produce. One of the worst chemicals I read about was found on the tip of the silver arrow that Leo was struck by. When I found the syringe on the arrow I quickly examined the chemical traces to see if it matched a particular chemical I came across while reading. In fact, there was a reason why I remembered that particular chemical so well," Donnie explained. He then quickly flipped through the pages of the bulky textbook until he landed on a page that was highlighted with this weird red highlighter color. "This chemical was the only chemical in the entire book that had been marked before I came across this volume. I figured it must have been important. So, I bookmarked that section and paid really close attention to it."

"So, one of the terrible chemicals that's found in that book was the same chemical that was in the needle that hit Leo?" I confirmed feeling a little dizzy from all this information Donnie throwing at me. Our genius brother answered my question with a simple nod while staring at his writing that laid right by the page he opened to. "So, what does the chemical do?"

My older brother could not hide the evident cringe that was written all over his face at the question. He continued to look down at his writing before answering, "The effects that are caused by this compound explain Leo's behavior perfectly. A few seconds after the chemical hits your bloodstream, you pass out. After that, it effects the mind more than any part of the body. It gets worse as time goes on. It starts out as a small bit of depression, before manifesting itself into something bigger. As the effects wear on many different things could happen."

He then began reading his handwriting with a pained expression on his face, "Most sufferers from this end up committing suicide. Some become delusional and end up getting themselves killed on pure accident. Others resort to self-harm and end up killing themselves from that. Others just have their mind mentally shut down, and then die. Most cases end up dying from a combination of these effects. There have been a few cases of some sufferers who go through mental personality disorder, and as result survive the effects…."

"Donnie stop right there…..Mikey looks like he's going to have a heart attack from all this," Raph quickly interrupted Donnie worriedly looking over at me.

I was taken aback by Raph's comment, but then I realized he was right. My forehead was pressed into Leo's shoulder and before I knew it I was visibly shaking from Donnie's alarming bit of information. My breathing had quickened to the point where I was almost hyperventilating. Leo's hand was being squeezed to the point where blood circulation to that hand became difficult.

I felt two pairs of hands grabbing on to each of my shoulders trying to comfort me. But I completely ignored them, and continued to lay against my older brother in shock. My eyes were closed but I could still clearly hear the conversation between my two brothers who were both now kneeling on either side of me.

"Donnie! Hurry up and make a cure for Leo! We can't take this much more."

"There is no cure I can make!"

"What?! So multiple personality disorder is the only way for him to survive?!"

"No!"

"Is that because he's not going to survive?! His mind has already shut down?!"

"No! Leo will survive when he wakes up!"

"How?! You're not helping!"

"JUST SHUT UP AND LISTEN TO ME FOR A FEW MINUTES!" Donnie growled loudly causing Raph and I glance up at our angry brother in surprise.

With all the attention on the genius brother, Donnie's mood quickly changed from angry to embarrassed. He bowed his head not looking at either one of us. He quickly informed us with both hands still on my shoulder, "There are a few survivors that make it out and go back to their normal lives. With this chemical, the only thing that can overcome the effects of the mind is the mind itself. Leo fainting is himself trying to battle the harmful effects of the drugs. All the lucky survivors went through this. Sure, he could not wake up and die, but overall that's his choice. Now, more than anything he needs us to help him. We have to tell him that we're here for him and that we need him. Leo's strong mindset can overcome this easily with our help."

I perked up at this sudden bit of information and smiled to myself. My breathing slowed to soft rhythmic breathes and relief flooded all over me. That's why Donnie wanted us to let Leo know we were there for him. He was hoping Leo would sense our presence and overcome the effects for us.

"Sooooo…you want us to wait for Leo to wake up and while giving him encouragement?" Raph asked still a bit confused scratching his head.

"We could do that," I agreed still smiling. "Or we can actually _help _Leo fight this poison by going into his mind through meditation."

Instantly, Donnie's face brightened at my idea. Raph gave me this look as though he'd never seen me in his entire life. Our genius brother jumped up to his feet happily and ran towards the dojo. He called to Raph and I excitedly over his shoulder. "That might just work! Hold on and let me get some candles!"

"It's unfortunate that neither one of us are good at meditation," Raph grumbled to me looking slightly disappointed. He did smile at the idea of us helping Leo though. My red-clad brother stared at Leo's limp form intently still hoping that our oldest brother would just wake up on his own instead.

I placed a hand on Raph's shoulder and told him firmly, "Y'know…I don't think we ever really gave meditation a fair try. But, I think now we have enough motivation to succeed in meditation once and for all. Don't you agree?"


	8. Chapter 8

It didn't take long for a smirking Donnie to leave the dojo with three candles in one arm and a lighter in one hand. He seemed a little chirpy coming out of the dojo. I wouldn't have been surprised if he started to break out skipping. And who can blame this sudden happiness my genius brother is feeling? We've been miserable for way too long. The thought of getting our oldest brother back to being his usual self lifted a heavy weight off of our shoulders.

When Donnie knelt down on to the floor in front of Raph and I with Leo still laying unconscious behind us on the couch, we automatically tried forming the a three-turtle triangle. Raph who was right beside me gave Donnie an amused glance at seeing him try to lead meditation. But, out of the three of us, Donnie was the best….no….least horrible at meditation than the rest of us. As a result, he was the one most likely to not do a bad job at leading meditation.

While Donnie let the three candles, I tried scooting a bit closer to Leo with my shell almost touching his head. Maybe the closer I am to my brother, the easier it'll be for me to reach his mind. A couple of inches probably doesn't make a difference. If anything, I ruined the perfect triangle we formed. Good thing we're not OCD about that kind of stuff. Meditation is meditation after all.

The lights were shut off right before my eyes, leaving the dim candles as our only light source. I could still make out Donnie's dim facial expression as he was over one of the candles. Raph was nowhere in sight for a couple of seconds, until his outline plopped down right next to me, after he had turned off all the lights.

With both my brothers nearby ready for mediation, there was no reason to waste anytime. There was no need to ask dumb Mikey questions. We all knew what we had to do. I shifted my legs into the uncomfortable lotus position. Never, have I felt more focused and determined in my entire life. Without hesitation, I shut my eyes and took a deep breath through my nose.

My nose crinkled from the peculiar smell. Regretfully I blurted while opening my eyes, "Why do I smell blood?!"

Donnie opened his eyes instantly at the sound of my voice. From the corner of my eyes, I could see an uncomfortable shift coming from Raph. My red-clad brother, who was once in lotus position, temporarily gave up that position and adjusted himself more comfortably. Out of habit, my eyes quickly went to Donnie out of hoping he knew the answer to the question.

Donnie shrugged and simply answered, "I have no idea."

Both brothers' facial expressions were unfortunately unreadable in the darkness. Even I could tell that both of them didn't seem surprised at my question. Raph simply muttered to me, "Don't worry about it."

"Are you guys okay?" I asked worriedly though. Even in the darkness, I tried to squinting to see if I missed any injuries while my two brothers were still in the light. Both of my brothers' dark outlines shook their head in response.

"Then, where's the blood coming from?" I breathed calmly. Out of instinct, I turned my head to face Leo who was still soundly lying on the couch. I tried sniffing for any smell of blood.

"Mikey, stop it. We'll worry about it later," Raph growled as calmly as he could. His body then shifted towards Donnie who was trying to get into a comfortable lotus position. "Maybe we would've been better off, if you used the incense Donnie."

"Don't go blaming me. You were the one that always complained about the smell," our genius brother's voice replied through the darkness. He then shifted himself centered in front of Leo, directly facing the dimly lit candle between Raph and I. "But you're right. This is an unnecessary distraction we'll worry about later. Don't worry about anything around you, just focus."

I calmly nodded my head through the darkness, even though I knew that both brothers missed my nods. Both of them were already in lotus position with their eyes shut. It was typical that I was the last one to start meditating. A second later, my eyes closed and I tried breathing in again. This time I ignored the faint smell of blood coming through my nostrils. All focus was on my oldest brother lying right behind me. Never, in my entire life have I taken meditation this seriously. Although, this wasn't saying much since I never really took meditation seriously. Unfortunately, I was probably the worst at it.

My mind began to panic as I realized I didn't know what to do. How the heck was I supposed to go into Leo's mind? If any brother was the hardest to get into, it had to be Leo. Sadly, I barely knew how to meditate, let alone reach someone's mind. What was I thinking? Hopefully either Raph or Donnie reaches Leo, because there's no way I can.

Wait, what am I thinking? I thought I wanted to help my eldest brother. Well, giving up is not going to help him. Why do I always seem to give up when things get tough? Now is my chance to help my brother when he needs me the most. This could be life or death. Think Mikey, think….how does someone get into someone else's mind through meditation? There's something I'm missing…

No, I'm not missing anything. I'm just not using everything. But I don't need to use everything. Master Splinter made meditation seem so easy. In sense, it shouldn't be too hard. It's just my mind making things difficult. Instead of thinking about what I should do. I should just do it. In other words, I have to use my instincts more than my brain. That's something I've always done. Why was it hard to do now? Because my mind is making it harder than it actually was. It was just mind over matter.

With my eyes shut and my breathing calm, I did everything in my power to empty my mind, and find my oldest brothers using nothing but my own senses.

Everything was so dark….am I doing this right?

I don't know what made me do it, but I opened my eyes and realized I wasn't in the main room of the lair anymore. In fact, I don't think I was anywhere anymore. It felt like I was in this clear vivid dream. But there was nothing but blackness around me.

I craned my head to get a better view of what was around me. All of could see was pitch blackness. Looking down at my green hands and feet, I realized I was still wearing my usual gear, as far as I could tell I didn't look any different. When I looked down at my feet, I realized I wasn't standing on anything. At least, nothing I could see. There was nothing solid to be felt below my feet. And yet, when I took a tentative step forward, I was walking as if there was solid ground before me.

The absence of feeling and the darkness freaked me out. When I kept on walking, I was worried I would slam into a wall that I couldn't see in the darkness. Part of me wondered if I was still in the lair, and the candles just burned out. That would make sense, the lair would be pitch black. But, if that were the case I would've bumped into something or tripped over something. And if I was in the pitch black lair, I wouldn't be able to see my hands and feet so clearly. Where ever I was, this was a result of freaky meditation.

I had two options before me, I could wander aimlessly around this darkness, or I could sit back down and try meditating back into the place I was supposed to be. Since wandering aimlessly into the darkness seemed to be a waste though, I decided to sit down and meditate.

But before I could even sit down to meditate again, I felt this sudden comforting warmth wandered through my body. It traveled from my toes up. The sensation reminded me of curling up in a warm blanket, with either one of my brothers or Splinter wrapped around the blanket with me. But, the last time I remember feeling this kind of comforting warmth was when I was a child. I was probably 11 years old the last time I curled up next to family member with us both wrapped in a blanket. But I just can't recall who it was I wrapped around a blanket with.

While feeling so wrapped up in the unusual warmth, I nearly forgot about what I was here for. The thought of going back to meditate had left my mind. It wasn't until a hand suddenly touched my shoulder, did I suddenly perk up from my distraction. The touch nearly made me jump.

My head turned and I looked up at the creature that had touched my shoulder. My eyes widened in shock when I saw the figure standing before me.

"Master Splinter!" I exclaimed excitedly before I ran forward to give my sensei a strong hug. The rat chuckled inaudibly at my reaction and gently hugged me back. A tender claw ran gentle circles around my shell. From the hug I looked up at my sensei in confusion. "What are you doing here?"

Hesitantly, I backed away from the hug while still looking up at the wise old rat. He seemed to have gotten younger. His fur wasn't as gray as it was before. He didn't look tired by the least, there weren't any scars. I've never seen our rat father look so flawless. In fact, seemed to be glowing in the darkness. That must be the perks of being dead.

My father didn't say anything to me but pointed a claw in a direction to my right. He gave me a warm smile, but didn't say anything. It was pretty obvious he was pointing to the direction that I needed to go. But he didn't say anything more. I was still puzzled by his intentions though. Nonetheless, he was still my father and sensei, so I had to trust his judgment.

"Am I in the right place? I don't need to go back and meditate or anything? I just need to go the direction you're pointing?" I asked, hoping he knew what I was talking about. He's dead after all, don't the dead know everything? At least in my mind the dead know everything. And Sensei always said that when he dies, he will always be with us and continue to watch over us. Naturally, he'd know why I'm here, and what I'm looking for. And that was my eldest brother's mind.

My father gave a slow nod at the question, but didn't say a word. He just continued to point at the direction to my right.

"Aren't you going to say anything?" I questioned my dead master in disappointment. But, he didn't speak a word yet. In fact if anything, he did the exact opposite of what I wanted him to do. His body faded into the darkness. He left only as quickly as he appeared, with that warm familiar smile still on his face.

The comforting warmth was gone, leaving me feeling as numb as I was before. I gave the spot I had last seen my sensei one last look before I strolled through the direction my father had pointed to. I was hoping that something else would appear out of the darkness just like Master Splinter had, but after a few minutes of walking, nothing appeared in the darkness. Part of me wondered if the appearance of my dead father was all in my head. But it couldn't be now, could it? It's not like I know what I'm doing myself anyways. The again, usually I don't have to know what I'm doing. Winging it has always worked for me.

Suddenly, a chill traveled from my spine through my whole body within a millisecond. While the chill was nerve-wrecking, the fact that I was feeling something was a huge relief. That meant that someone was around here. Hopefully it'll be sort of like how Master Splinter appeared before me when I felt that sudden warmth.

Before I had anytime to look around me, a reptile who was a little bigger than me suddenly tackled me to the ground. Luckily, I didn't feel the painful hit of my head hitting the floor. Right after I hit the floor, a green fist that made contact with my nose. When the knuckles hit my nose though, I felt this weird crackling sensation, but I didn't feel any pain.

When I looked up to see my attacker, part of me was not surprised to see my eldest brother hovering over me. What I didn't expect to see was how much rage he was in. It's like he didn't seem to recognize me at first. His eyes were burning with unfamiliar hate underneath the blue mask.

"HOW DARE YOU SHOW YOUR FACE AROUND HERE?! YOU SAD EXCUSE FOR A BROTHER! I SHOULD BREAK YOUR NECK RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW! FIRST, YOU WON'T LET ME END MY MISERY! THEN YOU HAVE NIGHTMARES ABOUT ME. AND NEXT YOU AVOID ME?!" Leo roared at me, while lifting my head only to ram it back into the floor with full force. I don't think he was aware that I didn't feel anything while having my head rammed against the floor. The only thing I could feel was his cold hands on the side of my head, his angry warm gasps, and the chill that started from my spine.

Even though a part of me couldn't believe that this was my brother I was seeing, I couldn't help but feel hurt by his sudden shouting. When Leo saw my face contort with sadness he gave me a dirty look. Under his breath he growled, "awww….look at poor widdle Mikey…. Did I hurt you with my words? Are you going to try to kill yourself again? WELL WHY DON'T YOU GO AHEAD AND DO OURSELVES A FAVOR!?"

I only had enough time to let out an audible gasp in complete shock, when the voice of my eldest brother came from behind the one that was hovering over me.

"Enough!" Leo's voice rang from behind. Then green hands grabbed the angry Leo who was hovering over me away, and another Leo appeared from behind with a calm but slightly angry expression. "Leave my little brother alone, you trash!"

The angry Leo growled at the Leo who tried to protect me, but surprisingly backed off from me keeping his rage-filled eyes on protective Leo. I was too distracted by the two Leos before me, to be hurt by angry Leo's previous words to me. It wasn't until then that I realized the reason why angry Leo pulled back was so he could attack protective Leo. But protective Leo dodged the flailing fist with ease and kicked the angry Leo's plastron. The angry Leo then fell back on to his shell. The protective Leo leaned over and pinned the angry Leo down by his arms. It sort of reminded me of Raph and Leo. But Raph was never this angry, and Leo never beat Raph this easily either.

I sat up, and blinked a few times in confusion. Seeing the two Leos made me wonder if I was going crazy. Maybe I should've concluded that I was going crazy, after seeing dead Master Splinter. This might all be a dream and I wasn't meditating at all. I'm losing it. And the third happy Leo who was smiling right in front of me didn't help either…..wait….THERE'S A THIRD LEO?!

I glanced up in surprise and only fell back down on to two my shell in surprise. The happy Leo couldn't help but let out a warm laugh. With a cheerful voice, the happy Leo sighed, "Ah Mikey…you should've seen your face! It was priceless."

He then kindly reached up to grab my hand to help pull me up to my feet. The smile didn't seem to leave his face as he looked at me intently. There have been times where I've lived to see Leo with this kind happy facial expression. But I couldn't really enjoy the happiness my eldest brother was showing with two more serious Leos right him behind me still brawling. The protective Leo kept pinning angry Leo down with a look of determination on his face. But angry Leo somehow kept trying to get up and attack protective Leo again.

The happy Leo seemed to notice the direction I was looking, because he craned his head to see what distracted me. He turned back to me to give this amused smirk. Happy Leo told me, "Don't worry about those two. They do this all the time. Angry Leo gets pissed off at breathing, and then protective Leo, as you seem to think he is has to put him in his place. And yes, I can read your thoughts. As a result, I know the nicknames you are giving us."

Happy Leo then gave me a pat on the shoulder, while another Leo with a curious expression on his face appeared right next to happy Leo.

Of course ANOTHER Leo showed up. While I'm still going crazy we might as well have a fourth Leo show up. Heck, might as well have a fifth Leo while we're at it. Oh wait…

Before I knew it, Leo's timid face appeared from behind happy Leo. The sad Leo that peaked around happy Leo watched me carefully but didn't say anything. He had a pained expression on his face. His eyes gave me this unusual pleading look. But he didn't say anything.

The Leo who was standing next to happy Leo still looked at me intently, his face glowed with interest. This Leo pointed out the obvious as he judged my facial expression, "You're probably confused right about now, aren't you Michelangelo?"

"Uh yeah…" I replied still bewildered at the five Leos I had just seen.

"Can't blame ya," happy Leo replied looking over at the Leo who had just spoken to me. "You must think you're going into the looney bin after seeing five bipolar Leos right in front of you."

The sad Leo who was standing timidly behind happy Leo came from behind my happier older brother with his eyes trailing the ground. His face darkened as he gave a quick glance up at me. I wanted to go over and give him a hug, because I've always hated seeing any of my brothers in this much pain. But I held back not sure of what this Leo was capable of. This sad Leo didn't seem to be my brother at all.

"Hey Michelangelo," the Leo who was looking at me curiously spoke up, causing me to give him his full attention. "Don't be alarmed by the event that unfolds before you. We five Leos are simply ghosts of your eldest brother's broken emotions."

"Ummmm…can you please explain?" I asked stilled confused.

The Leo who had just informed me nodded in understanding, "We are your brother Michelangelo. His vitality. In other words, we are his soul. But your brother's soul has been severed into five pieces from a foreign element that could not have been foreseen. And now your brother's entity is in parole because of our separation."

"In other words…." Happy Leo interrupted informative Leo. "We are five Leos that need to become one again, or your brother is dead."

"But don't worry….the hard part is already done for you. All five of us are finally within close parameters. So it should be much easier to reconcile the five of us into a singular identity," the informative Leo comfortably reassured me.

"But wait…how are guys going to be able to go back together?" I asked still a little confused, but still grateful that at least some things were explained. "I'm in Leo's mind right? This shattered soul is what's causing his problems right?"

"If your brother is in a quandary state or having any other complications for that matter, ripping apart your soul is guaranteed to do that. He's very prone to depression because he can't control the dark emotions that are at leisure right now. And yes, you are in Leo's mind," the informative Leo answered to me confidently, almost smiling. His detailed answer with all these big words almost made me think I was listening to Donnie. Who knew Leo had this sort of vocabulary? "And in order for us to reconcile, we must be convinced so we can willingly put each other back together."

"Of course informative Leo, protective Leo right behind us, and myself are more than willing to be put back together. And sad Leo over here is easy to convince. He'll easily come around," happy Leo informed me smiling gesturing to sad Leo who had his head bowed to the floor in shame. "Now, Mr. Needs-Anger-Management right behind us who protective Leo is rounding up is going to need a bit more convincing."

Protective Leo then came right beside sad Leo dragging angry Leo right beside him by the neck. Angry Leo was snarling viciously at happy Leo, who gave him a smug grin. All five Leos then looked right at me giving me chills. Happy Leo then spoke up by saying, "While you're here…can you help us convince this douche bag to help save your brother? That would be really convenient right now."

He then gestured over to angry Leo who was still snarling while protective Leo's arm wrapped around his neck even tighter. Protective Leo gave me this soft look of reassurance and told me calmly, "Don't worry Mikey. This isn't anything you can't handle."


	9. Chapter 9

I just looked at angry Leo the whole time while he was in protective Leo's hold. He had this piercing stare that was full of hatred right on top of me. This stare could've easily been mistaken for the Shredder's stare. But it felt very awkward having this hatred-filled stare coming from my older brother. Leo could never hate me even if he tried. How the heck was I supposed to convince him to help my brother?

"Hey I have a question," I told informative Leo who was watching me curiously. It felt awkward having the other Leos narrow their eyes at me all at once. A mutant turtle like me wasn't used to having an audience. Especially an audience that looked completely identical.

"What is it you need to know?" informative Leo asked me eagerly. There was a hint of desperation in his voice. Something told me that he seemed to be the Leo that wanted to help my real older brother the most.

"I thought you could read minds. Shouldn't you know the question I'm going to ask?" I pointed out to a perplexed informative Leo. Angry Leo snorted at the comment I had just presented, while protective Leo scowled down at him.

"Read minds? You mean telepathy? No, I'm not telepathic. And I'm kind of glad I'm not. Our thoughts are not meant to be shared without consent. It would be immoral," informative Leo answered me shaking his head. My gaze instantly went to happy Leo who was smirking at me. It was as if he knew something that we didn't. Informative Leo caught on to my gaze instantly before giving happy Leo a sharp glare. "Happy Leo is the only one out of all of us who is capable of telepathy."

"Why? Wouldn't it make sense for you to have telepathy? I mean you're the smart one and everything. What is this guy going to do with telepathy?" I asked gesturing to happy Leo when I mentioned "this guy." My mouth quickly snapped shut after realizing what I had just said might've sounded offensive. Happy Leo couldn't help but smirk. Nonetheless I quickly told happy him out of desperation, "No offense. I didn't mean it like that. I just thought you weren't worthy for telepathy. Because most people aren't."

"None taken. I don't trust myself with telepathy either. I don't use it much anyways. Every time I use it on you, I see some pretty freaky stuff," happy Leo shrugged while laughing. My face instantly flushed at the remark. This remark brought protective Leo to a snarl though. But he didn't say anything. Happy Leo mentally noted the dark glare protective Leo was giving him. "Relax. I'm kidding can't you take a joke?"

"Why are we even talking about this? Don't we have more important matters to discuss….like….hmmmm….I dunno….Saving Leo?!" protective Leo piped up. Happy Leo pleasantly nodded in agreement, while sad Leo shuddered at the sudden harshness. I could just barely make out informative Leo muttering an apology under his breath. Angry Leo made an amused snort. It was silent for a few seconds, while everyone's eyes turned to protective Leo. It was kind amazing the control this Leo seemed to have over the other Leos. This control must be the same control that Leo has over us when he leads. Protective Leo's strong gaze softened as looked down at me. "What are your questions Mikey?"

"Okay. Does this Leo over here have any other mood, personality, or emotion besides anger ?" I asked pointing to angry Leo who growled at me. Protective Leo's arm was covering his mouth, so nothing could be said from angry Leo. Mentally, I appreciated this because I knew only a sample of the brutal words this Leo could tell you.

Out of habit, everyone turned to look at informative Leo for the answer except for angry Leo who was trying to bite protective Leo's arm. Informative Leo appeared to be a little unsure of himself at first but replied calmly, "That's a good question. And…..yes…..he's got many different emotions. The ones that I can think of off the top of my head are pride, selfishness, envy, passion, malice, hostility, insensibility, strength, wickedness, brutality…"

"Is there anything that I can work with? Like some kind of emotion of feeling that I could use to change is mind? Something softer, gentler….." I interrupted worriedly. Informative Leo made a sudden grimace at my questions indicating a no. Happy Leo unsurprisingly seemed satisfied enough to start humming in thought. All the Leos suddenly twitched in surprise at a sudden unpleasant cackle that filled the black area.

All heads pivoted to the source of the cackle which turned out to be coming from angry Leo. The loathsome form of my older brother was snickering uncontrollably. But the way he was doing it made me feel sick to my stomach. Protective Leo had dropped his arm down to angry Leo's neck making it possible for him to speak.

"You know I'm standing RIGHT HERE. I can hear every word of your plan to try to change my mind. But the fact of the matter is, NOTHING will change my mind. Your brother deserves to die!" angry Leo growled to me. Most everyone within the area stood there in complete shock by the words the menacing turtle had spewed. The only Leo who didn't seem bothered by the angry turtle was happy Leo.

Happy Leo started bursting out laughing the second the word "die" reached our ears. We all curiously looked at the joyful turtle in confusion. The laughing turtle noticed that all eyes were all him and instantly stopped laughing. A large grin was plastered all over his face. Happy Leo then explained himself shrugging, "Sorry. I just find it ironic how you think good ole' Leonardo deserves to die. All that turtle ever does is give, give, give….Saying Leo deserves to die has got to be the most careless thing I've ever heard. You can be the cruelest, most heartless being in existence, but even you know that if Leo dies, you die too."

"Him dying would be doing me a favor. I'd love to get away from this hell," Angry Leo retorted almost spitting to the ground. The arm of protective Leo tensed around the menacing turtle almost reaching the point of choking him.

I had to blink a few times to register what was happening. Happy Leo seemed ready to start a debate with angry Leo. The optimistic turtle still had a grin on his face before rolling his eyes at the comment. He snorted, "The reason why you're in this hellhole in the first place is because Leo is dying. And you'll be SO MUCH happier once he's better. The reason why you're such a depressing turd in the first place is because Leo was poisoned. I know you're a stingy doofus and all, but you're not an idiot. If you really wanted to be happy and free again…..you would help us."

Informative Leo and I exchanged glances of complete shock. Sad Leo on the other hand seemed to brighten at Happy Leo's words. I could've sworn I saw a hint of a smile on the sadder turtle's face. Angry Leo stood there completely speechless. He kept on opening his mouth to say something bitter, but then closed it again. The only turtle who remained completely emotionless was protective Leo. Happy Leo then tentatively nudged Angry Leo in the shoulder in hopefulness.

"So…what do ya say? Will you help us put a helpless turtle back together, or do you want to stay miserable for the rest of your existence? Because if Leo dies, you and I both know you don't die with him," Happy Leo explained almost kneeling down to the menacing turtle.

Angry Leo looked around at all of us for a moment, before nodding hesitantly.

The second the nodding of the head was made, a bright flash of light fell before my eyes. It nearly blinded me. I fell back on to my elbows not having any idea what was happening. This light was a good thing right? It had to be. Things were going so well up until that point. Part of me panicked wondering if this flash of light meant I was too late.

My eyes instantly opened. The first thing that came into my line of visions was the familiar ceiling of lair. While rubbing my eyes, I sat up. The candle between Raph and Donnie was the only one lit. The other two candles I sat between burned out. I couldn't really get a good look around the lair with very little light. Through the darkness while using the little light I had, I saw Raph and Donnie still deep in meditation. I had half a mind to go up and shake them out of their meditative state. I decided against it because I knew the consequences of interrupting meditation. Every time Leo's meditation got interrupted, he'd be grumpy for the rest of the day. He was in the best of moods after a calming meditation. I never understood why mediation helped him so much, but that didn't matter. It made Leo happy, and that's all that matters.

But Leo wasn't in meditation now. I moved the candle that was in front of the couch out of the way and picked up the only candle that was still left lit. That candle was used to get a good view of my brother as I push it in front of the occupied couch. At first glance, it seemed like my oldest brother was peacefully asleep. He didn't appear lifeless like the last time I saw him.

I carefully crawled up to him and placed a light hand on his cheek. The flesh of the cheek felt warm under my palm. This warmth made me give out a quick sigh of relief. At least he's still alive. While peering over his face, Leo's eyes instantly shot open, and let's just say I was not expecting that. The instant his darker eyes met mine I fell backwards on to my shell in shock.

The second I landed on my shell, I sat up instantly grinning. My oldest brother groggily sat up on to the couch dazed. I didn't give him a second to register what just happened as I scrambled up before instantly tackling him back on to the couch. I called to my older brother, "Leo!"

"Ack! Mikey!" Leo gasped in surprise before falling back on to the couch under my weight. He squirmed a little, but I didn't care as I gave him a big hug around the neck. It didn't take long for him to gather all his strength and push me off of him. I willingly let him sit me back up alongside him on to the couch. We both exchanged glances as I noticed a small smile appeared on his face. I grinned back at him. Leo sighed, "It's nice to see you too."

"Leo? Was that you I just heard?" Raph moaned through the dark. Seconds later the lights of the lair flickered back on. Donnie came strolling back into the room after flicking on the lights. Our genius brother took care of the candles as he blew out the one that was still lit. He then picked up all three candles and hurried over to the dojo to put them away.

"Hey Raph….." Leo spoke up to our brother as we saw him sit up on the floor while leaning against the couch. My second-oldest brother looked like he just woke up from hibernation. He was spaced out for a couple of seconds before glancing up at Leo's voice. "Can you leave the room for a few minutes? I promise I'll talk to you later. There's stuff I need to talk to Mikey about."

Raph's eyes widened at the request before nodding subtly. He replied with an exasperated tone, "Sure. No problem. Do whatever you want."

"Oh. So you're going to follow my orders for once?" Leo bantered from the couch, while Raph stood up to depart to his bedroom. Our red-clad brother turned around to give a Leo a subtle smirk. I couldn't stop beaming at my oldest brother. He was teasing Raph, which showed he was on his way to making a full recovery. Leo during his depression couldn't even smile, let alone joke.

Raph gave a faint shrug before rolling his eyes at his older brother. He was trying his hardest to act annoyed, but even he couldn't hide the expression of relief pastured all over his face. My second oldest brother responded to the banter by saying, "You nearly died bro. I think following one of your orders is the least I could do."

Leo's eyes darkened while both his hands clenched into fists. He nodded at the hotheaded brother's upfront honesty though. We both knew Raph would not water down any given situation. Our oldest brother sighed before saying, "Goodnight Raph, I'll talk to you tomorrow, okay?"

"No training tomorrow I take it?" Raph assumed stepping backwards towards his bedroom. His eyes never left Leo's. It took a few seconds for our oldest brother to open his mouth for an answer. But Raph instantly interrupted him smirking, "The hesitation means a no I take it."

"Correct," Leo confirmed not really smiling. I could see his face glower with self-disappointment at the fact he wasn't going to train us right away. But we all know that training would be a bad idea on the first day of recovery. We'd have to discuss with Donnie what Leo can and cannot do. Personally, I'd like to think he's fully recovered already and he just needs to get adjust to not having the chemicals in his system. Leo didn't seem to notice my concerned gaze or maybe just didn't care. My oldest brother kept his eyes on Raph the whole time before quietly saying, "Night Raph."

"G'night…." Raph yawn while giving his arms a big stretch. It didn't take long to see my older brother's tired shell leave the room to go over to his bedroom. We both waited until he was completely out of sight before we began our conversation.

"Sooooo….watcha ya wanna talk about bro?" I pondered intently scooting closer to my older brother. My mouth curled into the familiar grin that I once had all my life. I was looking forward to having a heart-to-heart conversation with Leo. We used to talk about anything when we were kids.

My oldest brother folded his knees up to his chest before giving a deep sigh in thought. He wasn't even looking at me in the eyes. It was obvious how uncomfortable my brother was right now. It made me wonder what sort of topics he was going to bring up. Leo murmured, "There's so much I want to talk about I don't know where to begin."

"Say the first thing that pops into your head," I suggested while resting my head against his shoulder. His shoulder tensed, but he didn't say anything about it. Leo seemed very hesitant about what he wanted to say. I had to reassure him, "You can tell me anything. I'll be a good listener."

"Let me think. A lot of things pop into my head at once," Leo replied while giving himself a sad smile. This made me even more curious as to what was going on through his head. "I would apologize, and say this whole thing was my fault. But I know you won't accept my apology because you don't think I am to blame for all this in the first place."

"It's the Shredder and the Kraang's fault," I piped up.

Leo glimpsed over at me with eyes widened in surprise. He gave me a small frown while questioning me, "What are you talking about?"

I smirked at my older brother in realization. It never occurred to me that Leo didn't know the exact cause of his depression. Knowing that it wasn't his fault whatsoever will lighten the situation. I explained to him, "On the day Shredder fell off a building you got hit with one of Shred head's arrows. I'm sure you remember that day well. It turns out that arrow contained a syringe at the tip of it. A powerful Kraang drug was located in that syringe. That drug got into your system and made you all depressed in suicidal. Donnie discovered that drug after stealing a Dimension X textbook on Chemistrty after he blew up the Kraang base. And then…"

"Okay, Mikey I get it," Leo interrupted me quickly. He still wasn't looking at me directly in the eyes. His focus was towards the blank TV in front of him. You could tell he was very much deep in thought just trying to soak in all this information. "That explains a lot. Wow."

"See it's not your fault," I insisted sitting up straighter in the couch. One of my arms made its way around Leo's shoulders. My oldest brother still seemed to be bothered by something though. "What's wrong bro?"

"Hmmmm…nothing I suppose," Leo mumbled incoherently. He forced a light smile on his face, but I wasn't buying it. But he quickly changed the subject before I could even say anything, "So, how'd you get inside my head?"

This time, my oldest brother tilted his head to face me in curiosity. Making eye contact with him made it much easier to notice that something was bothering him. But I answered the question nonetheless. "I meditated. So did Donnie and Raph, but I think they got lost. I nearly got lost myself. It's confusing trying to get into your head. How did you know I was in your head?"

Leo gave out an easy chuckle before replying, "figured it'd be from meditation. And what do you mean, 'how did I know you were in my head.' It's pretty obvious if someone is invading your head. Especially when you're unconscious. It was actually kind of creepy having one of my brothers in my head. Once you get into my head, it gets kind of personal."

"Did you see the five Leo's come together?" I blurted out of interest. I seriously expected Leo to look at me as if I've lost my mind. When I glanced over at him, I nearly fell out of the couch in surprise when he nodded confirming my answer.

"Don't look so surprised. You were in my head remember? I know what goes on in my head, especially when my youngest brother intrudes," Leo snorted playfully trying to hold back a laugh. He gave me a gentle punch on the shoulder in order to show it was no big deal. "Thank you by the way."

"No problem dude," I assured him while snuggling closer to my older brother. My arm was still wrapped around his shoulders. "How were you part of the five Leos?"

"Somehow….someway I was all five of them at once. Don't ask me about the details. I'm just as confused as you are," Leo returned. My oldest brother then gave a deep exhale, before humming to himself. He was staring at his lap now, clearly being bothered by something. I was about it ask him what was wrong when he suddenly answered for me, "There are a couple of things bothering me."

I quickly unwrapped one of my arms from around Leo's shoulder before sitting on my hands. My older brother glanced worriedly at me while I asked him, "what exactly is bothering you Leo?'

"First off, your nightmare," Leo began. I quickly looked away ashamed knowing why he would bring up the nightmare. Why did I even have that nightmare to begin with? My older brother quickly observed my sudden reaction as his eyes narrowed at me. Subconsciously, I began scooting farther away from my older brother.

"I'm sorry. I don't know why it happened," I confessed sadly while my older brother eyed me closely.

"Forget about then. The whole nightmare was your mind messing with you. I was acting weird, and your subconscious twisted my unusual behavior into something frightening. It happens. That's nightmares for you. Especially in a crazy head like yours. I just wanted to say that I don't hold it against you for having the nightmare. Nor do I blame you for your terrified reaction. But I hope you know that I would never even think about hurting or killing you," Leo informed me resting his chin on the top of his knees. We both exchanged light smiles towards one another. "Before I explain the second thing that's bothering me, what's been bothering you?"

It didn't surprise me that my brother would bring something like this up. He could read my facial expression, my gestures, and my emotions like a book. I groaned before bringing up what was on my mind. "There was this smell of blood in the room. I can still smell it. Do you know what it is?"

Leo instantly grimaced at the question.

* * *

**This was gonna be the last chapter. But then it started getting lengthy. So there'll be another chapter after this one. **


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